D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: Nurturing What You Want and Letting Everything Go

“What do you want to nurture?” may be one of the best questions to ask as I we start another revolution around the sun.

As I continue forward with creating a healthy life of balance, how I answers is very important. The past year has been full of grief, healing, transition, taking chances and many new friendships. Since I no longer have my mother’s presence I’ve learned to be my own “guide”, encouraging myself to be courageous, take chances, speak up and say “YES!”. I’ve failed at all of these often and it’s difficult to not allow those failures to push me backward. But I cannot go back to the fearful person I once was.

Have you ever experienced a profound lesson and were then unable to see the world as before? It’s both liberating and scary. Suddenly we have no choice but to change. We can’t unlearn. We may attempt to ignore it, but once we have new knowledge it becomes a part of us. We have changed.

  • In 2016 I want to nurture new lessons so they become habits. This means paying close attention to my thoughts, words and actions. I will have to remind myself constantly, will forget and become frustrated. However it will be worthwhile once those lessons become ingrained in my mind. It’s important t remember there will always be new lessons.
  • I want to build stronger relationships with my new friends while also nurturing old ones. I will have to keep a closer eye on my schedule. This will involve focusing on what is important without getting sidetracked. It’s important for my new friends to learn from my actions that they are important and I value their uniqueness.
  • I want to continue creating a career with what the skills I have. So instead of running from one interest to the next I must focus my energy only on my writing, on creating art, on teaching self-defense and earning enough to pay all my debts.

“What do you want to let go of?” is just as important. Think about what has stalled your journey. Is it too many distractions, fear, doubt, anger, apathy?

In 2016 I will let go of my fears and doubts.

  • I’ve held myself back from so many things like travel and education because I feel like I don’t have enough money.  Worrying about money is a waste of time. Instead, this year I will pay attention to my financial choices and make better decisions. Money is important, but it’s not the only way to get what I want. When I can’t afford something I will search for another option such as bartering and communities like the Buy Nothing Project.
  • My fear of not being good enough holds me back from following my dreams. I worry that my skills aren’t enough and that I’m old and running out of time! But how am I supposed to improve and learn new skills if I don’t use what I have. This year I commit to practice. Whether it’s in regards to self-defense, writing, art, playing the guitar or improving my spanish I know that it all hinges on actively practicing. When I hit a wall or stumble and fall I must ask for help or try a new method.

Des this sound like a lot? You are welcome to work on as little or as much as you want. What matters is YOU choosing what is most important to your true self. So look back on the past year and think about what has served you and what has stumped you. Decide what you want to nurture. Don’t stress about it or over think it. Just start creating what you truly want and start letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Make a plan, but be prepared for kinks and detours. Know that if you stay focused you will succeed, know that it’s okay to fail and that you are capable.

Todays post is inspired by the Love Warrior Community.

When you reflect on 2015, what beliefs or behaviors do you want to let go of?..Read more from “Looking Back Helps You Move Forward on The Love Warrior Community,

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D.I.Y. THerapy: How the Power of Release Can Save Your Relationships

IMG_20151129_184402I feel emotions intensely and this has caused lots of grief. Learning to let go of this intensity has saved my relationships. I’ve learned to let go of anger and disappointment. I can stop holding my reaction against someone else’s action.
Holding on to the negative does not improve life. It just weighs us down keeping us from enjoying the next moment.
The same can be said when we force happiness. Refusing to move forward and grieving or noticing that someone is unhealthy for us stops our growth.
Release is vital to mental and physical health.

What are you holding on to that’s causing pain or anger?

Will letting go of this create an easier life?

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D.I.Y. Therapy: What Makes Your Heart Sing?

Once we discover our heart song life becomes simpler, easier, happier, balanced, beautiful.

heartFor me my heartsong is not one particular thing. It’s my whole life! It’s when I pursue my goals, treat others, create friendships and self-care with intent that resonates with me. It’s when my emotions, thoughts and actions are created with harmony. My heartsong is when I feel okay even as stress has clouded my vision and I’m not quite sure what to do, but know that whatever I choose it must make my heart sing.

If you’re not sure how to find your heart song answer the questions below and really LISTEN to your answers. Once you know what your heart song is, stick with it. Practice “singing” your heart song. Turn this practice into habits. Eventually your life will revolve around these habits and create a ripple effect of your truest self.

1) What makes your heart sing? 

2) Where do you feel balance in your daily life?

3) What thoughts lead you to healthy decisions?

4) How are your actions creating a life that feels good?

Todays inspiration is from words by a woman I admire, Blanca Vergara.

It is a process. Be patient and caring for yourself. Try different methods and once you find the one that makes your heart sing, keep using it. Be persistent. You will see that connecting within will give you the coherence that will allow you to thrive in the outer complexity.” Read the whole article, Blancavergara.com/from-chaos-to-coherence/

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D.I.Y. Therapy: Move Over Anxiety, I Choose To Be Happy

Anxiety seems to come out of nowhere, knocking me backwards into the fear zone. I suddenly don’t want to continue with whatever it is I need to do. I want to go hide under a rock and give up. Physically I feel sick in my stomach. Mentally I start thinking about all that can go wrong and begin visualizing scenarios of myself failing miserably. Next are tears building up and ready to pour. My thoughts turn dark, “what’s wrong with me”, “why can’t I do anything right”, “how can I be such a loser”.

Goodby balance! Hello panic attack!

Do you ever feel like this? I know from talking with friends that anxiety comes in different forms with different feelings. One thing that is the same though is how difficult anxiety is to stop. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m getting sucked into the fear zone. It’s so uncomfortably familiar, as if I never left.

Slowly I’ve been teaching myself to stop anxiety as soon as I feel the dull ache and dark clouds. I have a mantra and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that you can utilize it or be inspired to create your own. This is what I tell anxiety.

I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS HAPPENING.

MOVE OVER ANXIETY!

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

I AM OKAY.

I AM OKAY.

I AM OKAY!

textgram_1445392647Does it really work?

Yes. It really does. Because this is a trigger mantra for me.

Once I say this I can remember that I’m strong and that mistakes and wrong turns are just lessons. I tell myself that I’m safe, I’m loved, I’m skilled, I love life and that life is an adventure. Oftentimes I remind myself that the anxiety I’m feeling is about something that HAS NOT HAPPENED so I need to relax.

My next step is to slow my breathing back to normal and either continue with my task at hand or take a break and focus on something peaceful. Remembering positive experiences where I took control of my life or successfully completed a project really helps me to KNOW that I really am okay now and I will be okay no matter what happens.

IF YOU TRY THIS PLEASE SHARE IF IT WORKED FOR YOU OR NOT?

IF NOT, WHAT DOES WORK FOR YOU?

This is just ONE of many lessons I’m learning as I heal and grow. If you’re ready to heal, read my other posts about D.I.Y. Therapy.

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D.I.Y. Therapy: Setting Intention and Committng to Heal. Are You Ready?

Are you ready to heal?

You must answer YES for any of my guidance to help. If you aren’t ready and willing to end your depression the following advice and resources won’t help. The hard truth is real sustainable healing starts within your own mind and body.

I wasn’t ready for a long time, but there came a day when I realized that the only thing I was ready for was to heal. Without healing my depression, my grief and my fears I knew nothing I created would ever be whole. I would never really be happy or balanced.

Be prepared. You must create a solid attitude adjustment if you want to heal. Ending depression doesn’t happen overnight. You might feel great after reading this and doing the exercises in my D.I.Y. Therapy Series, ut if you don’t commit to long-term action your depression will return. For most of us depression is a life long issue. It may never go away completely, but we can continue to live through each stage and move forward for better futures. Each time you’re able to stop depression from taking hold you will get stronger and it will become easier to stop.

Life is filled with stress, failures, grief and loss. These will knock you off-balance and bend you into a pretzel, but with determination you can always straighten yourself and return to center. Remember that only you are in control.

Say it out loud!

“I’M IN CONTROL”

“I CHOOSE BALANCE”

“I WILL THRIVE”

The dirtiest job will be facing your fears.

For me it was facing the fear of failure. I used to allow that fear to stop me from trying very hard. More and more though I am able to stop my fear and remind myself that it is okay to fail. It is okay because I love myself unconditionally and refuse to allow fear to beat me down.

So….. are you ready to heal?

If you answered YES start reading my D.I.Y. Therapy Series.

 

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Looking for books that support your personal development? Read my book reviews.

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D.I.Y. Therapy: Taking Care of Yourself First

Sometimes you have to stop and rest!

Like most weekends this past one was packed with activities. There were 2 vigils for those killed by violence and racial profiling, a march for sustainable environmental policies, work to finish and the usual weekend chores.  I was running on empty with a painful respiratory issue from a large amount of second-hand smoke inhalation and suffering allergies during a heat wave. Instead of pushing myself I rested. After years of suffering depression I understand the importance of keeping a balanced lifestyle. Too many highs and lows close together will keep you depressed. Moderation really is more than a buzzword!

The truth is there are many things on your To-Do List that can wait, but if you push your body too hard you might not be able to do anything! Take a rest when you can. Your physical and emotional health is just important as your volunteering and activism.

1. Sleep is important! This weekend I slept in until 8am! (I know that’s crazy late right?) The first night I hardly sleep because of my pain and discomfort, but the second night I was so exhausted that I slept much better.

2. I love GOOD food! I enjoyed a slice of delicious vegan pizza and then a piece of definitely not-vegan peanut butter cream pie because it was 3.14.15, Pi day! I bought fresh fruit and veggies(pesticide free and organic) from the farmers market. I stopped at the grocer and bought medicine and vitamins to help myself heal

3. Nature Rejuvenates! I explored a new canyon trail and worked in the yard.

4. Slow is Good!  I leisurely finished work, completed my chores and ran errands without the usual pressure of time constraints.

5. Friendship is Golden! I had a fun dinner with my new friend and her amazing children. Once I felt tired I went home instead of trying to stay there.

What makes you feel better? Is it sleeping more, eating healthier, spending time with loved ones who respect you, dancing, reading a good book or taking a walk on the beach? Always remember that your health is important.

 Want more ideas for a healthy lifestyle free of depression? Read my other D.I.Y. Therapy posts.

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Ten Scientific Steps to End Depression

If you’re serious about being happy than you must commit to change. You can’t just win the lottery or wait for a hero to save you. Depression comes from inside of us and we are the only ones that can truly heal ourselves.

I just read an article “Ten Simple Things That Will Make You Happier Backed by Science”, from Higher Perspective. I totally agree with the advice they share because it’s all steps that I used and continue using to heal myself from a lifetime of depression. Below are their 10 steps and at the end a link to their article with more details.

1. Exercise

2. Sleep

3. Shorten your daily commute

4.  Build healthy relationships

5. Get outdoors

6. Volunteer

7. Smile

8. Plan an imaginary vacation

9. Practice gratitude

10. Meditate

Get all the details at Higherperspective.com/2015/01/happy.html?utm_source=HP

Thanks Treasure Trove blog for passing this article over to me.

 

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D.I.Y. Therapy – Healing Ourselves with Intuition

Inside us is the power for immense change and wonderful success IF we follow our intuition. I used to shrug off my intuition in favor of being liked, for a quick fix or to follow others definition of happiness in order to fit in. By ignoring my feelings and true desires I put myself in situations of quick and painful learning.

There was the bully I followed around who eventually turned on me and threatened my life. I already knew she was volatile after seeing her so easily turn on others. I dated a man because he adored me but who I never romantically liked and that relationship ended with no chance of us ever being friends. I attempted to forge friendships with people I wanted to be like, but had very little in common with and ended up very alone. I would go to bars and drink even though I don’t like the taste of alcohol and definitely didn’t enjoy the scene. I went into debt trying to find contentment in material items. All of these went against my intuition, but I followed them anyway. These actions also destroyed my self-worth. I started to give up and that’s when my depression really got painful. Eventually I realized this life I was building wasn’t healthy and I would never be happy following that path, but healing takes time.

Deciding to follow my intuition wasn’t a quick fix. I was so used to the wrong choices that I continued to make those when faced with an impromptu decision, felt lazy, or wanted to follow the crowd(peers, co-workers or society in general). It was frustrating because I knew deep down that I was taking the easy way out. Breaking habits is a lot of work. I had to teach myself to make better decisions by following my intuition. When a new or nerve-racking moment presented itself I thought about what I really wanted and what felt like the best choice as opposed to what someone else felt was the best choice or what was “normal”.  I began to look at the bigger picture in terms of my life and every day it’s becoming easier to listen and follow my intuition.

It’s been bumpy. Grieving after my mom died, I made all sorts of quick decisions that often made my days harder. Following my intuition was rough because there were so many emotions and such pain all battling for my attention at once. Now that my grief has mellowed it’s easier to follow my intuition. Don’t get down on yourself when you get snagged. Remember that life is an adventure. We can’t control everything, but we can control how we respond and we can pick ourselves up and forge ahead knowing we are capable. Listen to the voice inside of your heart. It’s your true voice and will guide you exactly where you want to go.

As Candess Campbell says “Intuitive healing has a deep connection to the heart. You have a gentle, loving voice inside that guides you. This voice is a quiet voice and does not fight with or try to overcome the voice of the ego or the other voices within.”  She has laid out seven steps that we can use to follow our intuition. Read her full post here: Candesscampbell.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/7-steps-to-intuitive-healing/

It’s time for a life review. If a majority of the choices you make turn out wrong or if you often feel yourself going against your gut, it’s time for a review of your decisions. Answer the questions below and see what insight you can glean. It’s never too late to start following your intuition.

1. What choices are you making that don’t feel quite right?

2. When did you make a choice that felt good and worked out how you imagined?

3. How did you feel and why did you go that route?

4. What parts of your life would you like to grow and what parts would you like to leave behind?

Now imagine the life you want. What does it look like and how can you make it come true?

1. Create a list of everything that makes you feel happy and is also good for you.

2. Brainstorm on what careers or goals will give you a feeling of being truly alive.

3. Make a map. You can write it, illustrate it or create a dream board out of magazine photos.

4. Take action on what you want to change. Do you need to go to school, change your diet or find healthier relationships? It’s your life and any changes you want are up to you.

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D.I.Y. Therapy: Angry Words in Relationships

Have you ever been so angry that you said something you didn’t mean or exaggerated an emotion to feel vindicated?  I certainly have and always with regret. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we do reveal truths which are telling signs that a person is dangerous, but depending on our personality we just as often say the first nasty thought that arrives. I did that more often when I was younger, usually fighting with my siblings or friends. It was a hard written habit to break, but I’ve since learned getting angry doesn’t solve relationship issues. Anger is a great tool in self defense, but should not be used to win every disagreement or a reaction to every offense.

If you crave healthier relationships then you must be open to learning new ways to be emotionally healthy.  Check out this post “Two Powerful Relationship Practices” by Kristen Barton Cuthriell to continue your inner growth.

 

D.I.Y. Therapy

What Can You Do When Your Positive Change Causes Loved Ones To React Negatively?

When I decided to take control of my life by ending my depression I let go of several hard worn habits that caused me to feel bad, and along with these habits went a few friends as well.  In my younger years life was all about partying, glamour, and material gain without much depth, but that didn’t make me happy. It actually exasperated my depression because I was just focusing on short-term joys. As I began to focus more on hobbies and interests that gave me a sense of accomplishment and inner peace I deposited my old interests in the memory bank. Well wouldn’t you know that when I changed all of my friends didn’t change with me. We quickly grew apart though I tried to hang on to them for longer than I needed because comfort is addicting and change is scary. Some of those friends I still keep in touch with, but we’re not as close as before because we have such different life pursuits.

Before I left on my “extended vacation” this autumn, a friend(on a similar path) gifted me the book “Steering by Starlight” by Martha Beck. This book of self-realization resonated with me immediately. So much of what she wrote are ideas and actions I’ve been working on and that have helped me along the way. Her encouragement to look at the stars and be our own “Stargazer”, “Mapmaker” and “Pathfinder” is fantastic. I definitely recommend getting a copy. Along with what I knew before openng the book I’m also learning new actions to help me stay focused on my true North. In the last chapter, “Leading Your Life” she talks about the fact that just because we change doesn’t mean everyone around else will embrace the changes and in fact some may react strongly against our new self. Her advice for this stage of our growth process is “sustaining calm, fearless affection” in our relationships.

Instead of defending ourselves by counter attacking and riling up our ego-induced anger, we should recognize that our loved ones are in fact scared of losing us and unsure how to deal with that fear. They aren’t purposely trying to be mean. By staying centered and choosing reassuring words we can calm their fear and lead them along with us on the journey. Here are three of her actions that stood out to me.

1. Tell them, “I know I’m acting different, but I feel really good about it. And I love you more than ever.”

2. “Look them right in the eyes and say, with the calm conviction of the Stargazer, “All is well.”

3. “If you keep breathing deeply, feeling peaceful, and offering reassurance, you’ll defuse arguments that could become endless before they even begin.”

Read more of Martha’s advice on her blog: Marthabeck.com/2012/10/change-back-attacks/

 

More articles on D.I.Y. Therapy at Impoweryou.org/category/d-i-y-therapy-2

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