Category: D.I.Y. Therapy

Guidance and resources to overcome depression.

D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: How To Declutter Your Mind of Negativity, Doubt and Anger

Impower You

 I spent a lifetime gaining stuff , not nice expensive brand name stuff, just stuff, and a lot of it was low quality. It cluttered up my life along with millions of thoughts that I was never good enough until I had everything. Does this sound familiar?  Below are my most common thoughts that have cluttered my brain and pushed out the loving, clear and innovative thoughts I really believe.

Thoughts to get rid of:

  • “I’m Not Good Enough.
  • “If Only I Had….”
  • “Why Am I Such a Failure?”
  • “Why Is Everyone Else Happy All the Time?”

Now be still and be mindful. Are these thoughts helping you at all? Probably not. While it’s important to be realistic, negativity, doubt and anger are clutter that keeps clear and innovative thoughts from shining through.

Think of how hard it is to find something to wear when your clothes are scattered across your room, shoved in drawers and laying on the floor of your closet. (If you’ve NEVER had a messy closet, than think of a time and place when you had to search for something in a bunch of clutter.) Once you’ve picked up and organized your clothing it’s easier to see what you absolutely love to wear and what needs to go.

The trick to changing your thoughts is using proactive and kind words. You need to train or retrain your brain to think positively.  “Positive” doesn’t mean you need to be little miss sunshine all the time, but you want to steer clear of thoughts that fill you with doubt in regards to areas of your life where you thrive. Negative thoughts that devalue your characteristics, natural talents, skills and accomplishments are not helpful.

  • CHANGE “I’m not good enough” to “I’m great at (insert your strengths/skills).” or “I may not be an acclaimed author yet, but I’m learning how right now and that’s good enough.”
  • CHANGE “If only I had..” to “I actually do have (insert item/action).” or “I know that I can work towards what I need.”
  • CHANGE “Why am I such a failure?” to ” I’m successful at (insert your accomplishments).” or “It’s okay to fail, even as often as I do. What matters is that I will keep moving forward.” or “I believe in myself, I trust myself, I love myself.”
  • CHANGE “Why is everybody else happy all the time?” to “I will not compare myself to others.” or “It’s okay to feel unhappy sometimes.” or “What is bothering me and how can I fix it?”

Please remember that nobody is happy all the time. Most of us have days where we feel awful, sad, lonely or angry at the world for various reasons. It is okay to be unhappy and feel down. You’re not a bad person just because you don’t walk around smiling and high fiving everyone or pretending to feel good when you actually feel bad.

You deserve to feel good and one way to feel happy, balanced and healthy is to declutter your mind. While you’re at it have a yard sale and get rid of the stuff cluttering your home or work space. It’s amazing what we can accomplish when we lessen our load. 🙂

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 Want ideas for a healthy lifestyle free of depression? Read my other D.I.Y. Therapy posts.

Looking for books that support your personal development? Read my book reviews.

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: RELAX! You Can’t Have Everything

Impower You

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I want everything in life! I want to experience it all, be a part of everything, learn everything. So I spent most of my life doing what I could to get it all. After stressing out about not having everything I finally realized it’s because I can’t.

 I don’t have time to do it all and see it all because when I try to do that I end putting less effort into everything including that which is most important to me. In place of having it all, I have regret for not having enough time to really thrive in areas of my life which are most important. I spread myself too thin.

  • Now when I really want to have a career my skills are all over the place instead of having those necessary for my dream jobs.
  • Now when I really want to travel and see my friends I have to choose one and wait longer to see another.
  • Now when I get invited to one event I have to decline another that feels equally important. 

 Do you see how I spread myself too thin? Are you spreading yourself too thin as well? It’s time to slow down and decide what is most important to you. Focus on less and you will succeed more on what’s important. Here are some questions to guide you.

  • What do I love?
  • How can I spend more time on that?
  • What am I willing to give up?
  • Why do I feel the need to have everything?
  • Am I happy racing to have it all?
  • Take deep breaths and be mindful.

Change is up to you. How will you enjoy your one and precious life?

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 Want ideas for a healthy lifestyle free of depression? Read my other D.I.Y. Therapy posts.

Looking for books that support your personal development? Read my book reviews.

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….

word art book, affirmations book
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….

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: “Paralyzed with Indecision” – Short Video on Solving Overhwelming Problems

Impower You

Do you ever feel paralyzed with indecision or fear? I certainly do! That’s why I like this method of getting clarity by removing what you don’t want from the situation presented by Blanca Vergara in the video below.

I can easily get paralyzed in overwhelming situations or when I’m feeling stressed out. Removing stuff from life that is comfortable is hard. Sometimes we keep stuff, actions or thoughts in our lives that are unhealthy, but we are either so used to it that we don’t notice or we are too scared to move forward.

I’m guilty of doing both and I know it’s hard, but we are all capable of change. Think of everything you’ve ever changed in your life, you stopped believing in Santa Claus, you (hopefully) learned to stand up against peer pressure, you learned better ways to succeed at work, you probably changed your style a few times since you were young and on and on. It’s okay to be scared and to hesitate, but to really live you need to teach yourself through practice how to move forward, let go and grow. How do you do this?

Once you realize that something or someone in your life is not what you want then it’s time to let go. If you’re unsure about something than take a break from it or them and see if your life gets better or not.  If you feel happier, and healthier than leave it there in your memories, but don’t take it forward with you in life. If you don’t feel better than you know to keep it. It’s simple, but not easy.

If you get as attached to people and things as I do than letting go is extremely hard. Over the years I’ve had to let go of friendships that I either outgrew or were unhealthy, removed foods that I loved like cheese and a lot of sugar because I felt ill after eating it, and trained my mind to overcome negative thoughts because those were keeping me depressed

Along the way I trip and fumble, but when I stay away from that which makes me feel bad I not only feel better, I am more focused, more compassionate and more aware of what is truly important to me.

So what is important to you?

For me, what’s important is living with love and compassion as well as innovation and action. I’m more into experiences and being with people who inspire me than material items. Each of us know what’s important and it is different for everyone. As you go through your life carry only what is important to you. Leave what isn’t out of your bag.

Blanca Vergara is a wise and compassionate woman who I’ve been following for a few years now. Learn more from her at Blancavergara.com/quit-analysis-paralysis

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Please contribute to the crowdfunding campaign I’m working on, “Creating a Grassroots Oasis for Progress” at Igg.me/at/go-sd or “The Grassroots Oasis” on Facebook.com/grassrootsoasis.

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 Want ideas for a healthy lifestyle free of depression? Read my other D.I.Y. Therapy posts.

Looking for books that support your personal development? Read my book reviews.

*If you like this blog share it…

 

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Fight.Back.New.Kindle.CoverPreview this book on Amazon.com

….

word art book, affirmations book
Available at Bookemon.com

Read this book before you buy at Bookemon.com/book-profile/word-art-and-affirmations/153646

….

feminist writers, learn about feminism, teaching girls feminism, Fierce, Generation of female empowerment
Get your copy at Amazon.com

Find this and more empowering books at Amazon.com/Leah-Oviedo/e/B007LMUEJ2

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D.I.Y. Therapy, Empowering Discussions

D.I.Y. Therapy: Taking Care of Yourself First

Impower You

Sometimes you have to stop and rest!

Like most weekends this past one was packed with activities. There were 2 vigils for those killed by violence and racial profiling, a march for sustainable environmental policies, work to finish and the usual weekend chores.  I was running on empty with a painful respiratory issue from a large amount of second-hand smoke inhalation and suffering allergies during a heat wave. Instead of pushing myself I rested. After years of suffering depression I understand the importance of keeping a balanced lifestyle. Too many highs and lows close together will keep you depressed. Moderation really is more than a buzzword!

The truth is there are many things on your To-Do List that can wait, but if you push your body too hard you might not be able to do anything! Take a rest when you can. Your physical and emotional health is just important as your volunteering and activism.

1. Sleep is important! This weekend I slept in until 8am! (I know that’s crazy late right?) The first night I hardly sleep because of my pain and discomfort, but the second night I was so exhausted that I slept much better.

2. I love GOOD food! I enjoyed a slice of delicious vegan pizza and then a piece of definitely not-vegan peanut butter cream pie because it was 3.14.15, Pi day! I bought fresh fruit and veggies(pesticide free and organic) from the farmers market. I stopped at the grocer and bought medicine and vitamins to help myself heal

3. Nature Rejuvenates! I explored a new canyon trail and worked in the yard.

4. Slow is Good!  I leisurely finished work, completed my chores and ran errands without the usual pressure of time constraints.

5. Friendship is Golden! I had a fun dinner with my new friend and her amazing children. Once I felt tired I went home instead of trying to stay there.

What makes you feel better? Is it sleeping more, eating healthier, spending time with loved ones who respect you, dancing, reading a good book or taking a walk on the beach? Always remember that your health is important.

 Want more ideas for a healthy lifestyle free of depression? Read my other D.I.Y. Therapy posts.

*If you like this blog share it…

 

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Fight.Back.New.Kindle.CoverPreview this book on Amazon.com

….

word art book, affirmations book
Available at Bookemon.com

Read this book before you buy at Bookemon.com/book-profile/word-art-and-affirmations/153646

….

feminist writers, learn about feminism, teaching girls feminism, Fierce, Generation of female empowerment
Get your copy at Amazon.com

Find this and more empowering books at Amazon.com/Leah-Oviedo/e/B007LMUEJ2

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy – Healing Ourselves with Intuition

Impower You

Inside us is the power for immense change and wonderful success IF we follow our intuition. I used to shrug off my intuition in favor of being liked, for a quick fix or to follow others definition of happiness in order to fit in. By ignoring my feelings and true desires I put myself in situations of quick and painful learning.

There was the bully I followed around who eventually turned on me and threatened my life. I already knew she was volatile after seeing her so easily turn on others. I dated a man because he adored me but who I never romantically liked and that relationship ended with no chance of us ever being friends. I attempted to forge friendships with people I wanted to be like, but had very little in common with and ended up very alone. I would go to bars and drink even though I don’t like the taste of alcohol and definitely didn’t enjoy the scene. I went into debt trying to find contentment in material items. All of these went against my intuition, but I followed them anyway. These actions also destroyed my self-worth. I started to give up and that’s when my depression really got painful. Eventually I realized this life I was building wasn’t healthy and I would never be happy following that path, but healing takes time.

Deciding to follow my intuition wasn’t a quick fix. I was so used to the wrong choices that I continued to make those when faced with an impromptu decision, felt lazy, or wanted to follow the crowd(peers, co-workers or society in general). It was frustrating because I knew deep down that I was taking the easy way out. Breaking habits is a lot of work. I had to teach myself to make better decisions by following my intuition. When a new or nerve-racking moment presented itself I thought about what I really wanted and what felt like the best choice as opposed to what someone else felt was the best choice or what was “normal”.  I began to look at the bigger picture in terms of my life and every day it’s becoming easier to listen and follow my intuition.

It’s been bumpy. Grieving after my mom died, I made all sorts of quick decisions that often made my days harder. Following my intuition was rough because there were so many emotions and such pain all battling for my attention at once. Now that my grief has mellowed it’s easier to follow my intuition. Don’t get down on yourself when you get snagged. Remember that life is an adventure. We can’t control everything, but we can control how we respond and we can pick ourselves up and forge ahead knowing we are capable. Listen to the voice inside of your heart. It’s your true voice and will guide you exactly where you want to go.

As Candess Campbell says “Intuitive healing has a deep connection to the heart. You have a gentle, loving voice inside that guides you. This voice is a quiet voice and does not fight with or try to overcome the voice of the ego or the other voices within.”  She has laid out seven steps that we can use to follow our intuition. Read her full post here: Candesscampbell.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/7-steps-to-intuitive-healing/

It’s time for a life review. If a majority of the choices you make turn out wrong or if you often feel yourself going against your gut, it’s time for a review of your decisions. Answer the questions below and see what insight you can glean. It’s never too late to start following your intuition.

1. What choices are you making that don’t feel quite right?

2. When did you make a choice that felt good and worked out how you imagined?

3. How did you feel and why did you go that route?

4. What parts of your life would you like to grow and what parts would you like to leave behind?

Now imagine the life you want. What does it look like and how can you make it come true?

1. Create a list of everything that makes you feel happy and is also good for you.

2. Brainstorm on what careers or goals will give you a feeling of being truly alive.

3. Make a map. You can write it, illustrate it or create a dream board out of magazine photos.

4. Take action on what you want to change. Do you need to go to school, change your diet or find healthier relationships? It’s your life and any changes you want are up to you.

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: Angry Words in Relationships

Impower You

Have you ever been so angry that you said something you didn’t mean or exaggerated an emotion to feel vindicated?  I certainly have and always with regret. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we do reveal truths which are telling signs that a person is dangerous, but depending on our personality we just as often say the first nasty thought that arrives. I did that more often when I was younger, usually fighting with my siblings or friends. It was a hard written habit to break, but I’ve since learned getting angry doesn’t solve relationship issues. Anger is a great tool in self defense, but should not be used to win every disagreement or a reaction to every offense.

If you crave healthier relationships then you must be open to learning new ways to be emotionally healthy.  Check out this post “Two Powerful Relationship Practices” by Kristen Barton Cuthriell to continue your inner growth.

 

D.I.Y. Therapy

What Can You Do When Your Positive Change Causes Loved Ones To React Negatively?

Impower You

When I decided to take control of my life by ending my depression I let go of several hard worn habits that caused me to feel bad, and along with these habits went a few friends as well.  In my younger years life was all about partying, glamour, and material gain without much depth, but that didn’t make me happy. It actually exasperated my depression because I was just focusing on short-term joys. As I began to focus more on hobbies and interests that gave me a sense of accomplishment and inner peace I deposited my old interests in the memory bank. Well wouldn’t you know that when I changed all of my friends didn’t change with me. We quickly grew apart though I tried to hang on to them for longer than I needed because comfort is addicting and change is scary. Some of those friends I still keep in touch with, but we’re not as close as before because we have such different life pursuits.

Before I left on my “extended vacation” this autumn, a friend(on a similar path) gifted me the book “Steering by Starlight” by Martha Beck. This book of self-realization resonated with me immediately. So much of what she wrote are ideas and actions I’ve been working on and that have helped me along the way. Her encouragement to look at the stars and be our own “Stargazer”, “Mapmaker” and “Pathfinder” is fantastic. I definitely recommend getting a copy. Along with what I knew before openng the book I’m also learning new actions to help me stay focused on my true North. In the last chapter, “Leading Your Life” she talks about the fact that just because we change doesn’t mean everyone around else will embrace the changes and in fact some may react strongly against our new self. Her advice for this stage of our growth process is “sustaining calm, fearless affection” in our relationships.

Instead of defending ourselves by counter attacking and riling up our ego-induced anger, we should recognize that our loved ones are in fact scared of losing us and unsure how to deal with that fear. They aren’t purposely trying to be mean. By staying centered and choosing reassuring words we can calm their fear and lead them along with us on the journey. Here are three of her actions that stood out to me.

1. Tell them, “I know I’m acting different, but I feel really good about it. And I love you more than ever.”

2. “Look them right in the eyes and say, with the calm conviction of the Stargazer, “All is well.”

3. “If you keep breathing deeply, feeling peaceful, and offering reassurance, you’ll defuse arguments that could become endless before they even begin.”

Read more of Martha’s advice on her blog: Marthabeck.com/2012/10/change-back-attacks/

 

More articles on D.I.Y. Therapy at Impoweryou.org/category/d-i-y-therapy-2

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I. Y. Therapy: Comparing Ourselves To Others

Impower You

One of the nastiest ways we can feel bad about ourselves is when we compare our bodies, minds, and accomplishments to others. There will always be someone younger and prettier, smarter and older, or stronger and faster. So what! You have to ask yourself what truly matters. What will you focus on in this life? Your accomplishments or those belonging to another?

I learned the bad habit of comparing way back in elementary school when I compared my status to my peers. In my mind my hand me down clothes, high-water pants, and glasses made me less cool than the pretty girls and the athletic boys. I started down a path of believing and thus being less than others. Because what we believe becomes true wether it is or not. Sadly, I followed that belief through puberty, my early twenties, and all the way to 30. What I picked up was low self-esteem, debt from unhealthy retail therapy, and friends who I constantly wanted to be more like. All this was at the cost of not pursuing my own talents and practicing self-love. It was also a zip line to depression.

Nowadays I rarely compare my life to others, the thoughts occasionally pop into my mind until I become conscious of my suddenly negative outlook. At this point I can stop myself fast, but it took a lot of practice to learn how. This isn’t a super secret, it’s simply choosing not to compare and focusing on who I am and what I can do.

  • Live in the present. Don’t compare where you are to where you want to be. Challenge yourself to accomplish goals that are important to you, not goals that society defines as important. Learn what your strengths are and use those to get what you want out of life.
  • Be aware of your weaknesses. This is important because when we consciously make an effort to say no to unwanted requests or stop addicting behavior, then we have more time to spend on positives. When you start down the path of self-doubt or regret, stop and change those to positive affirmations and focus on lessons learned.
  • Focus on self care; you’ll feel and look your best when you have emotional and physical balance. Eat healthier food and pay attention to how your body feels. What put in and on our bodies affects our physical health and in turn our mental state. Check to see if your personal care products are toxic and rethink that bag of artificially flavored fried chips. Get moving! I know how my depression worsened when I laid in bed or sat around all day.

This action takes time to master, but it’s worth every moment. Once you start feeling good about yourself you won’t want to go back. The downside to changing our lifes is we often have to leave behind people who refuse to change theirs. How many times have you gone along with something because your family, friend or partner was and you wanted to be with them? This doesn’t mean you will have to leave everyone behind. Some of your cherished ones will eventually grow along with you and be able to understad your new self.

 

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: What is Going On Here? – Turn On Your Inner Guidance System

Impower You
Need a little inspiration?
Are you searching for answers?
Turn on your inner guidance system.

Embrace your true self to learn about who YOU are and what you need. While other people can be wonderful guides, only we truly know what’s best for ourselves. Inside you will find inspiration and answers to difficult questions. Psychologists have a term for this called “ego development” which explains that we mature and evolve over our lifespan as we become more self-aware. I take this to mean that if we can accept ourselves, than we can grow into our own guide. This is in place of needing someone or something else to lead the way and tell us what is right. So go ahead and ask yourself who you are and who you want to be. Don’t focus on what society, your family or friends expect. Focus on what feels right for YOU.

Self Awareness means searching for insight about what is your real essence. Accept and celebrate who you are; accept and celebrate your differences. You are not wrong for being different, you just are.

  • What do you love about yourself?
  • What have you accomplished so far?
  • What have you risked?
  • What quirks make you special?
  • What are your strengths?

Even the smallest steps can be difficult; don’t push those aside as unimportant. Look at how you have changed and matured and be proud. En route to self-awareness you might need some help so ask for it, read books, listen to other people and be open to learning something new. You never know when that new information will come in handy during your journey. I can say that from personal experience these are great actions to take.

Over the years I have forced myself to look deeper at my actions and thoughts to see who I really am. I have found that what I used to think was wrong is actually just different. My personal beliefs, my passions, my goals and the process I am taking to get what is right for me. I see and feel life differently than what I see in the masses. This used to bother me and cause the belief that I was broken. I not longer feel there is aright or wrong on most points of view, because as I accept my own differences I can accept that other people also see life through a different lens. What they see is based on who they are and what they have experienced. I am simply gong to live my life in a way that feels right to me. Like the saying goes, “You do your thing and I will do mine.”

How will you know that your inner voice is on track? Once you realize that nobody else can love you as much as you love yourself you won’t crave outside approval to be different. It takes commitment and bravery to go against the expectations of others. We are all capable to think for ourselves. Follow your intuition and really live in a way that YOU feel is right. It will be much easier to get past obstacles when we know our own strength.

free sunset

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: How To Balance Your Emotions…The Blissful Balanced Path

Impower You

My emotions used to rule my world and send me on rollercoaster rides of manic highs and depressing lows. With a few years of diligent work on my personal thoughts and actions, I’ve been able to balance my emotions so that my ride is now steady with only a dip of sadness now and then. I don’t feel perfect all the time, does anybody? Life after all is a variety of emotions. Being sad or upset isn’t fun, but if we’re careful we can take how we feel and turn that into a lesson for how we react in future situations. Paying attention to our emotions also allows us to better gauge if other people are good to have in our life or if we need to stay clear of them.

1.Pay attention to how you feel. Are you hurt, sad, anxious, unsettled, angry?

2. Choose whether to let that emotion take control. Is this a good time to feel that way or will allowing this emotion to continue cause you more problems?

3. Look at problems from a different perspective. Write down the reason you feel this way and imagine alternate ways you can feel about it.

4. Find a solution or a different path. Choose one of those alternates and go with it. You may need to tell someone to get lost because they are being a jerk or you might be the one who needs to apologize for your attitude.

5. Be patient and loving towards yourself. Accept that you like everybody else, are imperfect. Accept and love yourself for your ability to change, grow, and learn.

6. Focus on feeling good, not constantly excited. Stay balanced with breathing exercises, short meditations, or affirmations. Know that you can only do so much and that it’s okay to just be present in your situation. Work on what you can and think of the future only in terms of how you can solve problems. Don’t focus on concerns or worries because that won’t get you anywhere.

7. Remove bad people from your life. You don’t need those who are negative and insist on pulling you into drama situations. If someone makes you feel bad or unsettled then keep them at a distance. You deserve family and friends who respect you and your boundaries. We are all deserving of happiness despite mistakes we make. With inner peace our lives improve because we aren’t muddled with problems and worries.

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If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com orAmazon.com. If you are looking for a blogger or blogging consultant hire me at my GoFundMe page.

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