With a pain filled snarl you ask me why, “Why do you believe in me?“
Because I’ve seen how much the path you’re on now looks so much like mine. I spent what felt like a lifetime doubting myself. I held onto my pain and anger until a series of events collided into my life and caused me to question my long-held fears, my painful beliefs. I decided to try believing in myself the way others had told me they believed in me. Trusting their view was difficult, in fact trusting in my journey was the most challenging act I ever played. I was doubtful, timid, fearful of the bright light being just another dim bulb. At times a gasping cry was all I could give. But it was a rainy season and the seed of self-love began to sprout little green shoots of hope. I felt my roots growing stronger drinking from this love I fed myself.
Day by day it grew. I believe in myself and that is why I believe in you.
I wrote this after a painful conversation with a friend I love so dearly. She broke my heart telling me secrets that I never knew she kept. I needed to let her know how much she mattered to me.
After the 17 years I decided the pain grafted to myself needed to be gently removed and replaced with love. I share my D.I.Y. Therapy posts in the hope that my journey can help others find self-love and create a life free of depression. My advice is not a cure-all. I still have moments where I slip back into feelings of depression, but now can acknowledge my emotions and their cause as a way to find my way back to peace.
Read more of my journey out of depression and into balance with my D.I.Y. Therapy posts on this blog.
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Have you downloaded my FREE coloring book? “Peace, Love & Weirdness” is an offbeat collection of my original illustrations and affirmations.
In the midst of my depression I relied on positive, upbeat music to lift my mood. There were many to choose from, but I noticed that many song lyrics are counterproductive with lyrics that reinforce negative patterns. So one day I decided to write a song for myself; to guide, remind and empower me to continue on this journey without giving up. Here it is.
Love is my heartsong, I will sing it loud and strong.
Love is my heartsong, listening to it all along.
On this journey of life, through goodness and strife,
guiding me with a loving light,
shinging bright
shining bright,
Love is MY heartsong, I will sing it loud and strong.
Forever singing as I move along.
-Leah Oviedo
Can you write a heartsong? It doesn’t have to rhyme, or be perfect. It just has to come from you, from your core.
Is writing a song for yourself too dorky? Or are you not creative enough? I know all the excuses. I’ve told myself enough excuses in three decades to recognizewhen I’m making one, but what does holding back really give us? My D.I.Y. therapy advice is to work past your fear and sing it loud, even if it’s with the doors and windows shut tight.
I share my D.I.Y. Therapy posts in the hope that my journey can help others find self-love and create a life free of depression. My advice is not a cure-all. I still have moments where I slip back into feelings of depression, but now can acknowledge my emotions and their cause as a way to find my way back to peace.
Read more of my journey out of depression and into balance with my D.I.Y. Therapy posts on this blog.
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Have you downloaded my FREE coloring book? “Peace, Love & Weirdness” is an offbeat collection of my original illustrations and affirmations.
Love is a way of being, of living and is a direct reflection of your beliefs. I used to feel like a loser, worthless, ugly and as if I would always feel sad. When I became aware of why I believed that way I begin to take the steps to change my belief. I began the practice of self-love.
Commit to Self-Love!
At first the thought of writing messages to myself was corny and ineffective, until I paid attention to how I felt afterward. Now it’s enjoyable and reassuring to write self-love affirmation that I post around my room and social media pages or read to myself first thing every morning(almost every morning). I recommend writing about 3-6 sentences. Not too short that you can’t connect to your affirmation, but not too long that you feel overwhelmed at the thought of a daily reading. I added mine to the notepad on my phone and set a calendar reminder to read it every morning as soon as I wake up. This only takes a minute so it’s easy to add to my schedule.
Surround yourself with positive messages.
Whether the messages are from TV, those intrusive magazines in the checkout line or who you follow on social media, becoming aware of negative marketing and evaluating the media you consume will allow you to focus on interactive learning as opposed to just consuming news. I stopped watching and reading the major news outlets (and their advertisements that promote low self-worth) who are invested in drama and negativity as opposed to simply educating about events and the world. I stopped obsessing over fashion and begrudgingly ended my addiction to (most) womens magazines and began to read positive media like YES Magazine and activism inspired news like Ms. Magazine.
Catch AHA! moments.
Take note of what you learn. Whatever you realize is making you happy or unhappy, what feels good or unhealthy and any moment of clarity that allows you insight into being your best self should be recorded. This will allow you to stay focused on creating a solid foundation of loving yourself.
Try mindfulness practices such as journaling, meditation or exercise.
I love to meditate on a positive affirmation. It’s as simple as repeating an affirmation repeatedly with regular focused breathing. I also take walks and stop to create art from debris, trash, leaves and rocks, whatever is lying around that might make a fun pattern or design. I made the heart below from discarded candy wrappers littering the sidewalk. I also journal whenever i feel the need to write my feelings or record an important event. I also enjoy actions that force me to focus such as yoga, breathing exercises and sitting still in the evening to drink tea and doodle.
If you need help with practicing self-love check out the Love Warrior Community(the Self Love Diet). This online community offers free tools and events designed to help us love our bodies. It’s my favorite resource and was started by Michelle Minero a licensed therapist and is supported by her daughter Emelina. www.lovewarriorcommunity.com
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Have you downloaded my FREE coloring book? “Peace, Love & Weirdness” is an offbeat collection of my original illustrations and affirmations.
Because of the high-profile of Hilary Clinton in the international arena, there’s a lot of speculation right now about the chance that the next president of the USA could be a woman. Other countries have already elected women presidents and prime ministers. Women are rulers and warriors, but we rarely see them on the elementary school walls next to our founding fathers. Seeing a woman president doesn’t just give girls and women ideas of what they can accomplish. It gives young and impressionable boys a more well-rounded way of looking at their female peers. When those boys grow up they will not only see women as objects or less than them, but as equals competent at running a country, not just a household. As men they can support their female peers to have as much privilege as they do.
It’s the same as seeing Misty Copeland dance as the FIRST African-American Principle dancer in the American Ballet. Now, not only can aspiring black and brown girls see themselves in that role, but so can their male counterparts who will one day be on stage with them believing that women of color belong in leading roles.
We need to see BLACK males as happy, successful, kind and good fathers to end the violent thug and drug dealing gangster stereotypes.
We need to see independent and intelligent LATINAS as leaders in our communities, not as sex objects or maids.
We need to see intelligent and accomplished NATIVE AMERICANS in politics, onscreen and n every industry, not as victims of colonialism or dressed in beads wasting away on reservations.
We need to see ASIAN actors in dramas, comedies and romance, not just as kung fu masters, mail order brides or sidekicks.
We need to see strong and independent INDIAN women who are not silent victims of acid attacks, sexism or rape.
We need to see women and men of color in our LGBTQ communities as loving parents, not as tokens.
We need to see those who are DISABLED as competent and suitable to succeed in business, science or as athletics, not as damsels in distress waiting for us to save them.
It’s not just young children who need to see them so they too can become all they can imagine and more. It is ALL OF US who need to see this so we can stop our snap judgements and prejudiced views. We need to see real diversity so we can insure that everyone has an equal chance. For those of us with privilege, in whatever form it is, it’s time to step up, to pull strings and level the playing field so we no longer have the upper hand. We must do this not as if we are the only ones who can “save” others who have less, but as their equals. We won’t lose as much as we think, but we will gain so much more!
Go ahead and CRY. It’s okay to let out that pent-up pain. Yes happiness is one of our goals, but we are imperfect beings and we feel sadness. Our real goal is to find BALANCE.
Why do we stop ourselves from expressing negative emotions? If you’ve lived as long as me or are an emotionally intelligent person than you have noticed by now that denying, ignoring and stopping ourselves and others from expressing negative emotions only gives those negatives more strength.
There is a healthy strength in allowing yourself to cry when you can’t hold in the pain any longer. Crying releases the toxic negative buildup residing in our bodies. Crying gives us relief.
For me I used to cry so easily. The tiniest prick would have me slumped on the floor. So I nagged and berated myself about it. I was so cruel, calling myself a “stupid useless idiot”. The more frustrated I became with my pain and tears the more I cried. I trapped myself in a nasty cycle. I felt like I would be stuck in it forever.
But then I started reading wisdom from others who had felt similar pains, who held in hate and sought revenge for the pain others caused me. I listened openly to their words and found a comfort in learning two very important lessons.
The first lesson was that I was not alone in my pain. There were many more like me. Some of them survived and some gave up under the weight. I decided I wanted to survive.
The second lesson was that I could heal if I learned to go, to focus on what really matters be it good or bad. I learned that not every prick deserved a cry. I learned to shed my tears for the gut punches. A small cut requires medicine and a bandage. Those big painful knock-outs require much more. They need a cleansing.
Crying is a cleanse. It allows you to rinse away the lingering disease and heal.
Mike Veny wants is to look at your depression as an asset not a liability. His TED Talk is about “..transforming the stigma surronding mental health into strength.”
On Saturday, January 23, you’re invited to “Go Into the Darkness: An Emotional Exploration” a workshop hosted by Michelle Minero, MFT and Emelina Minero.
Further exploring some of the prompts from the 31-Day Self-Love Diet Writing Challenge, You Will:
Learn the gifts of your darkness.
Experience the healing power of sharing and being witnessed.
Liberate yourself through emotional honesty and vulnerability.
This event is hosted at Qulture Collective, a multi-use and community space in downtown Oakland serving the LGBTQIA+ and allied community with a focus on building visibility for queer and trans people of color.
Location: Qulture Collective, 1714 Franklin St. Oakland, CA 94612, 510-419-0552 When: Saturday, January 23, 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. Cost: $50
Have you ever started the new year off with a resolution to go on a diet, lose those extra pounds, and start exercising regularly? If so, you have joined countless others who make losing weight their number one focus. Perhaps you’ve also joined them in being unable to keep the resolution continuously for even one week! A 1989 study by John C. Norcross of the University of Scranton shows that 77 percent of people who made these new year’s resolutions had been able to keep their commitments “continuously for one week” (that’s not very long!). Follow-up research by Norcross in 2002 put the figure at 71 percent for one and two weeks.
What’s going on when over 3/4 of the population who have weight loss as their new year’s resolution quit after the first week or two?
Could it be that focusing on weight loss is not the answer to having a great new year? Changing our outsides has nothing to do with improving our life. Our appearance does not change who we are on the inside.
What if weight loss wasn’t on your list? What would happen if you had an inner focus? How would your life be different if you decided to focus on loving your self and your body?
For some of you, that may sound like a tall order, but I have some good news for you. There are a growing number of people who are doing just that!
2016 marks the 6th Annual 31-Day Self-Love Diet Writing Challenge. When my daughter Emelina and I began this Facebook challenge in 2010, there were 3 people writing, and two of them were Emelina and me! Now we have over 500 Love Warriors from around the world, many who come back each year. The amazing and inspiring thing to witness is the profound changes that have happened from simply joining others on a similar quest and having the intention to write daily for 31 days.
Our writing challenge does not replace therapy, but it is healing. James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at the University of Texas instructed students to write 15 minutes a day about an important personal issue. His control group wrote 15 minutes a day about random, superficial topics. At the end of the experiment the students who wrote about issues of relevance had fewer illnesses and visits to the student health center than the control group.
I began my Self-Love Diet in earnest in 2004, the same year I began writing my book, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works. Before my daily writing, I thought I was doing well. I am a psychotherapist who specializes in helping people recover from eating disorders, and I have had success in this field. During the years I began my writing practice, I was surprised I had so many critical thoughts about my body, abilities, and decisions. These critical thoughts had become the backdrop to my daily thoughts, just under my awareness. When I began consciously working to change each critical thought, it felt like a full-time job! It became clear that committing to self-love is not for the weak of heart!
In fact, I believe we need to be warriors, Love Warriors, if we are to combat the billion dollar diet, exercise, and health industry that benefits from us feeling less than and telling us that their products will make us into the current culturally sanctioned ideal (which continuously changes, along with the scientific evidence for what helps us to lose weight!). I found myself needing to be a warrior in order to fight this uphill battle. I needed to declare that the number on the scale is not related to my happiness, joy, contentment, inner peace, or my value, not unless I let it.
Can someone go from hating themselves and their body to loving themselves and their body in 31 days? Yes, and No.
Yes: because we’ve read people’s experience of telling their bodies that they love them for the first time in their lives. Others have committed to catching negative thoughts and using the 5-step process to turn their critical thoughts around. One husband of a participant shared with us his gratitude for this annual writing challenge and credited it with brining in emotional honesty and expression of feelings into his relationship with his wife.
No: because it’s not that simple. The intention of loving one’s self is not something you can put on a to-do-list and check off. It’s an ongoing commitment to yourself, it’s a journey, a daily practice of regularly offering yourself love until it becomes what you do and who you are.
Resolutions maintained through the first week: 75% success
Past two weeks: 71% success
Past one month: 64% success
Past six months: 46% success
As we can see by the above data, as time goes on, people’s resolutions wane. But there is good news. People who made resolutions were 10 times more likely to keep them after six months than those who didn’t follow the annual tradition.
So are you willing to join us Love Warriors and revolutionize this traditional diet mentality focused New Year’s Resolution ritual?
I hope so, because there’s so much more to life than being successful or unsuccessful in losing weight. And, research shows that people who go on cyclical diets actually gain weight over time.
You may notice I am adverse to dieting. So you may wonder why I wrote a book titled, Self-Love Diet: The Only Diet That Works?
Here’s why: When I began writing my book, I discovered a definition for the word diet that changed my whole perspective.
The third definition was, “things regularly offered.” That definition is 180 degrees opposite of what most people think of when they hear the word diet. In the past, the word diet meant to me what I could not have, what I needed to restrict, refrain, and restrain myself from. I thought of diets as focusing on losing weight, counting calories, depriving myself of the foods I loved, being tough with myself, whipping myself into shape, and using willpower to change my behaviors. It never occurred to me that the word could mean something that I regularly offered myself!
Then the next question came to mind: What if I regularly offered myself love? How would my life be different? There you have the beginning question that became the Self-Love Diet approach to spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, relational, cultural, and global health.
So are you willing to join us and try something new with other dedicated people who are searching for guidance on self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love?
Today is day 12 of the 31 Day Self-Love Writing Challenge hosted by Michelle and Emelina Minero. This is one of the most important questions to answer for me because it leads to recognition of what I need most for my present and my future.
Self love means placing self-care above negative thoughts, unhealthy cravings and easy fixes.
It means using gentle self-talk when I feel lost, sad or can’t appreciate “where I am and what I have”.
Self love is putting forth effort to care for myself daily. It is holding myself accountable to my actions for the reaction to my choices.
Self love invoLves compassion, forgiveness, release of regrets, discipline, focus, belief in myself. It means following MY dreams and living in a way that is HEALTHY for my individual needs. Self love is unconditional. I need self-love ever moment of every day.
WHAT DOES SELF-LOVE MEAN TO YOU?
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The new year is here and while it’s really just any other day on the calendar, each new years day fills me with renewed hope and energy. There is a certain magic in having a specific day set in time to celebrate new beginnings. After all I’m never completely know what joys, accomplishments, challenges and pain will greet me in the future days.
January also starts the 31 Day Self-Love Challenge, part of the Love Warrior Community. A “Love Warrior” may sound like “Sparkly New Age Woodiedoo”, but it’s not! A love warrior is simply someone who chooses to energize themself with love instead of fear, greed or anger. As someone who previously fueled her life with fantasies of revenge, of needing material wealth to be happy and from the fear of never having enough, my intent is to embrace love as my energizing force. I will gladly accept the label of a Love Warrior.
So what’s the reason behind a 31 day Self-Love Writing Challenge? “Writing is one way to discover the many aspects of you. Embrace all of yourself, those parts you love easily, and those parts you don’t.“-Michelle E. Minero, MFT and Emelina Minero, Love Warrior Community Co-Founders.
In the first writing prompt we are invited to write a personal manifesto (prayer) letter to ourselves. You can read an example here on the LoveWarriorCommunity.com. Write as short or long as you feel comfortable. You can always add or take away to your letter at a future date. Below is mine. You are welcome to take from it what you like. 🙂
Dear Self,
I am on a journey, on a road paved with self-love and layered with love from many others in my life present and past. There is always new love being laid down to help my journey and I promise to share that love with others without expectations.
I allow myself to feel a range of uncomfortable emotions, to fail and to stop if I’m putting myself in a bad situation. I have already lost so much and this taught me it’s okay to lose everything as long as I keep moving forward with self-love.
I am imperfectly perfect which means I’m always learning and learning involves failing.
Each day is a new opportunity and I will do my best to work for my goals.
I will succeed at many of my goals, maybe even all of them.
I know it’s been a difficult few years. I’ve lost loved ones, seen death up close, faced financial problems and made reckless decisions, but I am going to be okay. I am okay right now. From this moment I know that I’m whole and complete. All that I learn and add to myself in the future is extra credit to give life more joy, more meaning.
Please remember I’m still healing from grief. Also I’m still healing from the years of crippling and mind-numbing depression. I’m so grateful to have left those pains behind. I’ve worked hard on my personal issues and learned so much. I’m slowly returning to become that wild little girl who believed in magic and her own power.
This is my time to succeed in my professional goals. I will write and or create art every day. I will ask for guidance from those willing to share their wisdom. If I cannot solve a problem I will reach out for help.
Nurturing relationships is one of my goals. This past year has taught me the value of having not just friends, but friends who I can trust, who won’t judge me and who have similar ideals as mine. By surrounding myself with these friends I become stronger.
Self-love means living for myself and making sure I take time for self-care. It also means living for others. I will live for the memories of those departed who loved me so strongly. I will live for those still here who continue to love me. I will live for those who I’ve never met, for those struggling and succeeding, for those who were once cruel to me, for all life because we all deserve love no matter what we have done or will do.
Individual Empowerment 