As I was walking through a newly discovered canyon near my house the other day, struggling against disparaging thoughts and overwhelmed with worries I found the end of the trail. I was disappointed that I now had to retrace my steps instead of continue forward. Usually the end of a trail opens up into a street, but this time a chain link fence appeared.
As I turned around my thoughts also turned. I remembered how often I have reversed and altered my direction because of one reason or another, be it good or bad and there was no way to move forward.
I realized that my current thoughts were getting me nowhere as was my impassive attitude. Too much stress was destroying my happiness. Too many failures was causing me to feel like one giant mistake. This way of thinking won’t get me anywhere. I know it’s time to move in a new direction. I feel it, I crave it, but I’m not sure which way.
Life involves growing in and out of various stages. Once we possess new knowledge we must either use it for self growth or ignore it and become stagnant beings.
I choose to use what I’ve learned in my next incarnation and embark upon this new adventure.
Chances are you know a family member, a friend or an acquaintance who has been the victim of a violent attack, domestic abuse, sexual assault or bullying. If so you may understand how traumatic this was for them.
I was a victim of violence, my family, my friends and those in my classes have been victims. I am sick and tired of violence and that’s why I continue teaching free self-defense classes in my community. I’ve taught over 200 women, girls and those who identify as LGBTQ since 2012. I want to teach thousands more. Since I’m underemployed and the costs are expensive, I’ve started a crowdfunding campaign. I need help sharing it! That’s where you come in!
Would you like to help SHARE my campaign?
Share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube or wherever! Blog about it, send it in an email and tell a friend. That’s all I’m asking you to do. If you want to see safer spaces and less violence, please share my campaign, GoFundMe.com/FreeDefense. Thank you.
Sexual health and STD testing are topics no one really wants to talk about, and unfortunately that means a lot of people tend to neglect them. Sure, many of us go through basic sexual education in school, and many more are fortunate enough to have parents or other influences who address sexual health in a thorough manner. But sometimes the real information of the process of maintaining sexual health is left somewhat vague, and whether we mean to or not, we may ultimately become neglectful of our personal wellbeing in these areas.
This article is just a reminder about some of the important aspects of maintaining personal sexual health. And with that said, here’s what to keep in mind!
Know The Statistics A lot of people view STDs (or STIs) as being rare or purely as side effects of reckless sexual encounters. Yet, one of the most important aspects of controlling your sexual health is understanding that these perceptions are false. According to these statistics, 50 percent of sexually active people will get an STD/STI before the age of 25. That doesn’t exactly qualify diseases and infections as “rare,” and that’s in part because not all of them are caused by reckless encounters. Safe sex practices can go a long way toward preventing STDs, but unfortunately there is always some risk for sexually active individuals. Understanding this can help you to be more open to the idea that regular testing is necessary.
Know The Diseases Most anyone who qualifies as a young adult or older can rattle off a list of common STDs. Their names are familiar to us, whether through sexual education or, unfortunately, frequent mention in TV or film comedies. However, a lot of people struggle to differentiate between them or understand the various implications of each one. This is problematic in that it can actually lead to your ignoring symptoms or taking a situation lightly that requires immediate attention. This outline of major STDs can help you learn about the common diseases and infections in addition to their various symptoms and short- and long-term effects. Having a firm grasp on these conditions is a vital way to safeguard yourself against suffering from one of them.
Know How To Get Tested Understanding the numbers, symptoms, and effect behinds STDs is all important, but thorough knowledge of the topics doesn’t always lead to regular testing or healthy practices. Often, this is simply because people aren’t sure exactly how or where to undergo regular testing. Mayo Clinic has a helpful description of different types of testing for different conditions. With most of them. the first step is to simply speak with your primary care physician. He or she will either be able to conduct a test personally or recommend a clinic or office where you can get whatever testing you need. As for frequency, it’s generally recommended that you have a thorough STD/STI checkup at least once a year (consider it another aspect of an annual physical), or following any encounter you believe has put you at risk. While it may seem like common knowledge to some, this type of information is relevant for sexually active individuals and should be taken to heart. Unfortunately, sexual education is often inadequate or incomplete for many of us, and taking the time to understand the relevant topics and practice basic precaution can keep you healthy.
Jenn Sawyer is a freelance writer and aspiring journalist. Her favorite topics to cover are women’s rights and sexual health. She is hoping to work in a communications role for a non-profit that supports these causes someday. You can contact her via twitter at: @_JennSawyer_
My very cool brother sent me to this new site and I love it! It’s a graphic novel based off of the early Suffragist movement for equality and it kicks ass! Set in a alternate history, suffragists are forced to go underground and become brave fighters. How cool is that!!!
The Suffrajitsu Army by Tony Wolf and artist Joao Vieria.
I vaguely remember a time when I felt particularly strong and happy and that was very long ago as a child. Throw in a few traumas and tragedies, too many years of being bullied along with a genetic link to depression and that time has become a distant memory that I can barely grasp.
From the stories my moms friends told me they make it seem like I was a very independent child. Also since I know my mom loved me unconditionally all my life than it makes sense that once upon a time I was much stronger. I really crave to be brave and happy again. Most days I feel that way, but there are still days when I feel very alone and unable to succeed. Patience is indeed a gift.
I’m unlearning everything I know that is unhealthy for me. It’s not easy. I make mistakes. I get tired and want to give up, but I feel like deep inside me is this really bright shining light that is slowly burning through this heavy, darkness I have aquired. When I think of myself just four years ago I can definitely see how much I have grown and that helps me stay focused. So what have I unlearned?
I’ve unlearned the false idea that material wealth makes me happy and that retail therapy is a quick fix like any drug.
I’ve unlearned all the hateful words my peers preached to me during our school years. I know the reason they were mean was because of their own pain and anger.
I’ve unlearned the idea that I must be in a sexual/romantic relationship to be happy. Happiness is an inside job and most of the time I am able to harness that strong power and feel happy in challenging times.
I’ve unlearned the lie that I must be thinner, prettier and strive to look flawless. My weight and features don’t define me and that flawless is a ridiculous ideal used to sell products and control others.
I’ve unlearned the screwed up idea that money will buy happiness. Yes money is an important part of my life because we live in a capitalist society and I enjoy having an education, mass transit, public utilities and a roof over my head, but I’ve been unhappy with money and without. I know that amassing large amounts of it will not make me happy on the inside.
What do you have to unlearn in order to move forward?
I spent a lifetime gaining stuff , not nice expensive brand name stuff, just stuff, and a lot of it was low quality. It cluttered up my life along with millions of thoughts that I was never good enough until I had everything. Does this sound familiar? Below are my most common thoughts that have cluttered my brain and pushed out the loving, clear and innovative thoughts I really believe.
Thoughts to get rid of:
“I’m Not Good Enough.
“If Only I Had….”
“Why Am I Such a Failure?”
“Why Is Everyone Else Happy All the Time?”
Now be still and be mindful. Are these thoughts helping you at all? Probably not. While it’s important to be realistic, negativity, doubt and anger are clutter that keeps clear and innovative thoughts from shining through.
Think of how hard it is to find something to wear when your clothes are scattered across your room, shoved in drawers and laying on the floor of your closet. (If you’ve NEVER had a messy closet, than think of a time and place when you had to search for something in a bunch of clutter.) Once you’ve picked up and organized your clothing it’s easier to see what you absolutely love to wear and what needs to go.
The trick to changing your thoughts is using proactive and kind words. You need to train or retrain your brain to think positively. “Positive” doesn’t mean you need to be little miss sunshine all the time, but you want to steer clear of thoughts that fill you with doubt in regards to areas of your life where you thrive. Negative thoughts that devalue your characteristics, natural talents, skills and accomplishments are not helpful.
CHANGE “I’m not good enough” to “I’m great at (insert your strengths/skills).” or “I may not be an acclaimed author yet, but I’m learning how right now and that’s good enough.”
CHANGE “If only I had..” to “I actually do have (insert item/action).” or “I know that I can work towards what I need.”
CHANGE “Why am I such a failure?” to ” I’m successful at (insert your accomplishments).” or “It’s okay to fail, even as often as I do. What matters is that I will keep moving forward.” or “I believe in myself, I trust myself, I love myself.”
CHANGE “Why is everybody else happy all the time?” to “I will not compare myself to others.” or “It’s okay to feel unhappy sometimes.” or “What is bothering me and how can I fix it?”
Please remember that nobody is happy all the time. Most of us have days where we feel awful, sad, lonely or angry at the world for various reasons. It is okay to be unhappy and feel down. You’re not a bad person just because you don’t walk around smiling and high fiving everyone or pretending to feel good when you actually feel bad.
Youdeserveto feelgood and one way to feel happy, balanced and healthy is to declutter your mind. While you’re at it have a yard sale and get rid of the stuff cluttering your home or work space. It’s amazing what we can accomplish when we lessen our load. 🙂
I used to enjoy picking up litter because I was doing something so great for our environment; picking up trash so it could go in its place. Then I learned that the litter is the result of a deeper problem. The real problem is how we produce stuff and our addiction to having things. Our consumer mentality is so selfish we don’t seem to notice or care that all the stuff and packaging we buy is the reason why we have trash. All the cheap plastic stuff we buy every week for fun or retail therapy results in trash. Every time we buy a bottled drink, coffee to go, or pre-washed veggies in plastic containers we are choosing pollution. Every time we buy something mass-produced in a factory which inevitably creates waste we are creating trash.
Now I pack snacks in reusable bags or containers and bring a water bottle. When I do get a drink to go I choose a drink that can be in a paper cup because unlike plastic the paper cup will actually degrade. Often I bring the cup home and use it repeatedly until I can recycle it. I bring my own produce bags to the store and choose fruits and vegetables that are package free. More and more of what I buy is in bulk and reusable bags. I also stopped the unhealthy habit of retail therapy which was much harder and rooted more in the decision to get out of debt than environmental reasons. When shopping for goods I first look at thrift stores and my local Buy Nothing Group. My monthly trash bin is a lot lighter these days, but what about non material consumption?
If we want to get rid of the litter we need to start with the root of the problem and stop creating so much trash. It’s a lot like racism. We need to pull out the root of hate, which is fear, to end racism. Lately I have begun to look at my own fears in the forms of stereotypes.
I used to consume a lot of media and noticed the harmful stereotypes back in High School watching “girl power” tv shows where women had to look sexy if they wanted to be the hero, good girls were submissive and bad girls were rebels. If the show was “progressive” enough to have Black, Mexican, Asian or Native American characters they were usually the bad girls or the poor girls that needed to be saved by the white protagonist.
Then I noticed in movies how often thugs, criminals and villains were almost always Black drug dealers, Mexican car thieves, Asian gangsters, abusive Indian husbands, drunk Native Americans or all rolled into one terrible person and not coincidentally the only token non-white. Just recently I realized how “Trans” people were often portrayed as sick twisted individuals who wanted to dress up as their opposite gender to molest children or become serial killers.
Why are humans inclined to be so afraid of what is different? Why do we hold so many prejudices against those who are different? Why does it take so long to realize we are holding onto fear?
I admit to falling for these stereotypes. I used to cross the street if I saw a group of men hanging out because I assumed they were dangerous. Unless they were standing around in suits they must be up to no good. I would avoid eye contact with anyone dressed in drag because for some reason I felt uncomfortable around them. It wasn’t until a few year ago when I started examining my ideas about people was I able to see how these media controlled images were creating a fear of those who are different in my mind.
Growing up in a diverse family of different colors and accepting of different sexual orientations I often felt immune to such fears, but I was wrong. Even I held unrealized prejudices. I have to check myself all the time now to understand the reason someone makes me uncomfortable. Is it because of societal expectations or my intuition? Sometimes it is my intuition telling me to be aware, but more and more I comprehend that they are not making me uncomfortable, but I’m projecting fear onto them.
Throw in some white privilege and more than likely I make them uncomfortable based on their own fears. In the racist, violent environment that is America their fears are much more justified and much more real than mine.
These days I’m less likely to cross the street and more inclined to smile and nod or say a simple “Hello”. I refuse to live in fear based on a stereotype.
So what kind of litter are you producing? What fears of those who are different do you hold? Analyze those fears, think about what you consume, both material and through your thoughts. Check yourself.
Ready to stop the racism that litters our streets? Get involved with groups like the Coalition Against Police Violence, thecapv.org or Af3irm, http://www.af3irm.org/af3irm.
I want everything in life! I want to experience it all, be a part of everything, learn everything. So I spent most of my life doing what I could to get it all. After stressing out about not having everything I finally realized it’s because I can’t.
I don’t have time to do it all and see it all because when I try to do that I end putting less effort into everything including that which is most important to me. In place of having it all, I have regret for not having enough time to really thrive in areas of my life which are most important. I spread myself too thin.
Now when I really want to have a career my skills are all over the place instead of having those necessary for my dream jobs.
Now when I really want to travel and see my friends I have to choose one and wait longer to see another.
Now when I get invited to one event I have to decline another that feels equally important.
Do you see how I spread myself too thin? Are you spreading yourself too thin as well? It’s time to slow down and decide what is most important to you. Focus on less and you will succeed more on what’s important. Here are some questions to guide you.
What do I love?
How can I spend more time on that?
What am I willing to give up?
Why do I feel the need to have everything?
Am I happy racing to have it all?
Take deep breaths and be mindful.
Change is up to you. How will you enjoy your one and precious life?
Do you ever feel paralyzed with indecision or fear? I certainly do! That’s why I like this method of getting clarity by removing what you don’t want from the situation presented by Blanca Vergara in the video below.
I can easily get paralyzed in overwhelming situations or when I’m feeling stressed out. Removing stuff from life that is comfortable is hard. Sometimes we keep stuff, actions or thoughts in our lives that are unhealthy, but we are either so used to it that we don’t notice or we are too scared to move forward.
I’m guilty of doing both and I know it’s hard, but we are all capable of change. Think of everything you’ve ever changed in your life, you stopped believing in Santa Claus, you (hopefully) learned to stand up against peer pressure, you learned better ways to succeed at work, you probably changed your style a few times since you were young and on and on. It’s okay to be scared and to hesitate, but to really live you need to teach yourself through practice how to move forward, let go and grow. How do you do this?
Once you realize that something or someone in your life is not what you want then it’s time to let go. If you’re unsure about something than take a break from it or them and see if your life gets better or not. If you feel happier, and healthier than leave it there in your memories, but don’t take it forward with you in life. If you don’t feel better than you know to keep it. It’s simple, but not easy.
If you get as attached to people and things as I do than letting go is extremely hard. Over the years I’ve had to let go of friendships that I either outgrew or were unhealthy, removed foods that I loved like cheese and a lot of sugar because I felt ill after eating it, and trained my mind to overcome negative thoughts because those were keeping me depressed
Along the way I trip and fumble, but when I stay away from that which makes me feel bad I not only feel better, I am more focused, more compassionate and more aware of what is truly important to me.
So what is important to you?
For me, what’s important is living with love and compassion as well as innovation and action. I’m more into experiences and being with people who inspire me than material items. Each of us know what’s important and it is different for everyone. As you go through your life carry only what is important to you. Leave what isn’t out of your bag.
Please contribute to the crowdfunding campaign I’m working on, “Creating a Grassroots Oasis for Progress” at Igg.me/at/go-sd or “The Grassroots Oasis” on Facebook.com/grassrootsoasis.
It’s been a frustrating few months for me. I returned from my travels with renewed hope and jumped into life; making new friends, finding I have a love and natural inclination for activism and living in a very different part of San Diego county. Then as usual with life, a downpour of small and medium-sized frustrations came pouring down upon me testing my resolve. Given the last 4 years of dramatic life changes it should be no surprise that I began to feel overwhelmed. My usual self-care of meditation, gratitude and reaching out for help was holding my head above water, but I felt listless, wading through, and wasn’t giving enough to get what I needed until an evening of gratitude and a potluck.
I had not been practicing gratitude much lately which makes a huge difference in my attitude. Thanks to a suggestion from my new and wonderful friend Kelly I was introduced to an amazing organization(where I’ll soon be teaching a 6 week self-defense class) that was hosting a free gratitude night. This place is Shakti Rising and they are healing the world through empowering individuals, using community and peace as their tools. This is what I’ve been looking for. …The truth is a lot of us are looking for places like this, in slightly different forms.
So last week I attended an evening at Shakti Rising which included a group gratitude exercise/game and discussion along with delicious (vegetarian) food. I was energized by the new people I met(Allison, Albert and all the names hiding on the tip of my tongue) who are as close as possible to “my tribe”. A beautiful dancing soul, Lisa, who I had met the week before was present because I had suggested the place for her to check out. Another surprise came when I saw Michelle whom I had recently volunteered with in a local garden. The coincidences, the atmosphere, the words being shared were so magical I felt a deep gratitude that reminded me how even as the days and nights can be challenging these bright moments are what I LIVE FOR.
One of the exercises was to find a stranger in the room and share with each other 5 expressions of gratitude. I found this to be very refreshing, not in just sharing my gratitude, but to revel in another’s gratitude. There is magic in gratitude, the kind that fills you up from the inside with a knowing that the world is what we make it and we always can choose to change our situation even in tiny measurements. This magic shows us that by keeping hope alive we spread love farther than just ourselves. I have no idea if the amazing people in attendance felt as if that night was just as rejuvenating or if my presence was as positive for them as theirs was for me. Judging by my own experience I imagine that most of us left that house feeling happy, renewed, magical and full of gratitude.
In preparation for the evening I made a pie, sort of. It was a graham cracker crust, fresh mango topped with a sweet coconut curry granola and a sprig of basil. It turned out to be quite delicious! There must have been some magic in those mangos.
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Individual Empowerment 