Author: Impower You

Healing through art & therapy! I used to be depressed and codependent with very low self worth and many unhealthy habits. But several years ago I started the healing process and am sharing what I learned with gratitude and hope for each of us. Peace & hugs, Leah
D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy – Healing Ourselves with Intuition

Impower You

Inside us is the power for immense change and wonderful success IF we follow our intuition. I used to shrug off my intuition in favor of being liked, for a quick fix or to follow others definition of happiness in order to fit in. By ignoring my feelings and true desires I put myself in situations of quick and painful learning.

There was the bully I followed around who eventually turned on me and threatened my life. I already knew she was volatile after seeing her so easily turn on others. I dated a man because he adored me but who I never romantically liked and that relationship ended with no chance of us ever being friends. I attempted to forge friendships with people I wanted to be like, but had very little in common with and ended up very alone. I would go to bars and drink even though I don’t like the taste of alcohol and definitely didn’t enjoy the scene. I went into debt trying to find contentment in material items. All of these went against my intuition, but I followed them anyway. These actions also destroyed my self-worth. I started to give up and that’s when my depression really got painful. Eventually I realized this life I was building wasn’t healthy and I would never be happy following that path, but healing takes time.

Deciding to follow my intuition wasn’t a quick fix. I was so used to the wrong choices that I continued to make those when faced with an impromptu decision, felt lazy, or wanted to follow the crowd(peers, co-workers or society in general). It was frustrating because I knew deep down that I was taking the easy way out. Breaking habits is a lot of work. I had to teach myself to make better decisions by following my intuition. When a new or nerve-racking moment presented itself I thought about what I really wanted and what felt like the best choice as opposed to what someone else felt was the best choice or what was “normal”.  I began to look at the bigger picture in terms of my life and every day it’s becoming easier to listen and follow my intuition.

It’s been bumpy. Grieving after my mom died, I made all sorts of quick decisions that often made my days harder. Following my intuition was rough because there were so many emotions and such pain all battling for my attention at once. Now that my grief has mellowed it’s easier to follow my intuition. Don’t get down on yourself when you get snagged. Remember that life is an adventure. We can’t control everything, but we can control how we respond and we can pick ourselves up and forge ahead knowing we are capable. Listen to the voice inside of your heart. It’s your true voice and will guide you exactly where you want to go.

As Candess Campbell says “Intuitive healing has a deep connection to the heart. You have a gentle, loving voice inside that guides you. This voice is a quiet voice and does not fight with or try to overcome the voice of the ego or the other voices within.”  She has laid out seven steps that we can use to follow our intuition. Read her full post here: Candesscampbell.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/7-steps-to-intuitive-healing/

It’s time for a life review. If a majority of the choices you make turn out wrong or if you often feel yourself going against your gut, it’s time for a review of your decisions. Answer the questions below and see what insight you can glean. It’s never too late to start following your intuition.

1. What choices are you making that don’t feel quite right?

2. When did you make a choice that felt good and worked out how you imagined?

3. How did you feel and why did you go that route?

4. What parts of your life would you like to grow and what parts would you like to leave behind?

Now imagine the life you want. What does it look like and how can you make it come true?

1. Create a list of everything that makes you feel happy and is also good for you.

2. Brainstorm on what careers or goals will give you a feeling of being truly alive.

3. Make a map. You can write it, illustrate it or create a dream board out of magazine photos.

4. Take action on what you want to change. Do you need to go to school, change your diet or find healthier relationships? It’s your life and any changes you want are up to you.

If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com or Amazon.com.

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I.Y. Therapy: Angry Words in Relationships

Impower You

Have you ever been so angry that you said something you didn’t mean or exaggerated an emotion to feel vindicated?  I certainly have and always with regret. Sometimes in the heat of the moment we do reveal truths which are telling signs that a person is dangerous, but depending on our personality we just as often say the first nasty thought that arrives. I did that more often when I was younger, usually fighting with my siblings or friends. It was a hard written habit to break, but I’ve since learned getting angry doesn’t solve relationship issues. Anger is a great tool in self defense, but should not be used to win every disagreement or a reaction to every offense.

If you crave healthier relationships then you must be open to learning new ways to be emotionally healthy.  Check out this post “Two Powerful Relationship Practices” by Kristen Barton Cuthriell to continue your inner growth.

 

Empowering Discussions

Is Oprah Winfrey a Feminist? Is the “F” Word Still Relevant?

Impower You

Growing up the word “feminist” was on par with “leper”. It wasn’t something I wanted to call myself because it gave the immature impression that I disliked men and wanted to walk around with hair all over my legs. As a young woman obsessed with looking good so to be accepted and attractive there was no way I would have used that label.

Now that I’m over 30 and over feeling a need to fall for unrealistic beauty standards or spend any time worrying over my looks I’m happy to call myself a feminist. Luckily I’m in good company these days.

“I never did consider or call myself a feminist, but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” says Oprah Winfrey, in the new Makers Feminist video on AOL. THis short video features several successful women talking about feminism.

Margaret Cho points out that feminism is seen as humorless like a “… a whistleblower, like you’re going to make sure nobody has any fun.”

On that same theme Nora Ephron says “The anti-war movement was humorless and the civil rights movement was humorless and nobody accused them of being humorless…”

So yes feminism is still relevant, as long as women are oppressed in any arena and men are stigmatized as nothing more than aggressors in our unhealthy patriarchal society it will remain relevant. After all feminism simply means equality between women and men and we don’t have that yet. Watch the entire video here: http://www.makers.com/blog/makers-feminism

 If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com orAmazon.com.

Do you need content marketing, editing services, or a blogger? Visit my Hire Me page.

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Empowering Discussions

Women in History: Muriel Matters is a Fierce Femme

Impower You

Women Suffragists in the early 1900’s were a force to be reckoned with and could not be stopped.

Despite being heckled, beaten, threatened and arrested they refused to back down until women won the right to vote. In London, England, on October 28, 1908 Muriel Matters chained herself to a grille, that separated men from women in the house of Parliament, to speak up for women’s rights. She along with several other women were arrested for the disobedience, but their spirits weren’t broken. A few months later Muriel rented an airbus to float above London and dropped suffragist leaflets on the city below.

Read the full story here: Activistswithattitude.com/grille-baby-grille-muriel-matters-acts-for-justice/

Continue reading “Women in History: Muriel Matters is a Fierce Femme” →

D.I.Y. Therapy

What Can You Do When Your Positive Change Causes Loved Ones To React Negatively?

Impower You

When I decided to take control of my life by ending my depression I let go of several hard worn habits that caused me to feel bad, and along with these habits went a few friends as well.  In my younger years life was all about partying, glamour, and material gain without much depth, but that didn’t make me happy. It actually exasperated my depression because I was just focusing on short-term joys. As I began to focus more on hobbies and interests that gave me a sense of accomplishment and inner peace I deposited my old interests in the memory bank. Well wouldn’t you know that when I changed all of my friends didn’t change with me. We quickly grew apart though I tried to hang on to them for longer than I needed because comfort is addicting and change is scary. Some of those friends I still keep in touch with, but we’re not as close as before because we have such different life pursuits.

Before I left on my “extended vacation” this autumn, a friend(on a similar path) gifted me the book “Steering by Starlight” by Martha Beck. This book of self-realization resonated with me immediately. So much of what she wrote are ideas and actions I’ve been working on and that have helped me along the way. Her encouragement to look at the stars and be our own “Stargazer”, “Mapmaker” and “Pathfinder” is fantastic. I definitely recommend getting a copy. Along with what I knew before openng the book I’m also learning new actions to help me stay focused on my true North. In the last chapter, “Leading Your Life” she talks about the fact that just because we change doesn’t mean everyone around else will embrace the changes and in fact some may react strongly against our new self. Her advice for this stage of our growth process is “sustaining calm, fearless affection” in our relationships.

Instead of defending ourselves by counter attacking and riling up our ego-induced anger, we should recognize that our loved ones are in fact scared of losing us and unsure how to deal with that fear. They aren’t purposely trying to be mean. By staying centered and choosing reassuring words we can calm their fear and lead them along with us on the journey. Here are three of her actions that stood out to me.

1. Tell them, “I know I’m acting different, but I feel really good about it. And I love you more than ever.”

2. “Look them right in the eyes and say, with the calm conviction of the Stargazer, “All is well.”

3. “If you keep breathing deeply, feeling peaceful, and offering reassurance, you’ll defuse arguments that could become endless before they even begin.”

Read more of Martha’s advice on her blog: Marthabeck.com/2012/10/change-back-attacks/

 

More articles on D.I.Y. Therapy at Impoweryou.org/category/d-i-y-therapy-2

If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com or Amazon.com

If you need content marketing, editing services, or a blogger, Hire Me.

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Empowering Discussions

Women Roar: Five Reasons to Love Zerlina Maxwell

Impower You

Zerlina Maxwell is a political analyst, speaker and freelance writer. Here are five reasons to add her to your list of amazing role models.

1. She successfully created the hashtag #rapecultureiswhen to continue the conversation about how rape is significantly embedded in our culture and that we need to end it now.

2. One of my favorite Zerlina moments is when she stands up to victim-blamer Sean Hannity by explaining that we need to focus on teaching men not to rape, as opposed to blaming women by teaching them to prevent rape.

3. She supports the Monument Quilt which is a public space by and for survivors of rape and abuse. Zerlinamaxwell.com/msnbc-com-monument-quilt-provides-healing-for-survivors-of-sexual-assault/

4. In 2011 she consulted with the US State Department to teach students in the West Bank how to use social media for creating sustainable change.

5. She’s vocal about racism and sexism like in her article “Where is the Million Hoodie March for Renisha McBride”

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Follow her on these channels:

Rhrealitycheck.org/author/zerlina-maxwell/

Facebook.com/ZerlinaMaxwell

Twitter.com/ZerlinaMaxwell

ZerlinaMaxwell.com

Why do you love Zerlina Maxwell? Leave a comment below.

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We are more than JUST girls, we are half the population. If you need some guidance or inspiration grab your copies of “More Than Just a Girl” and “Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment” at Amazon.com

Need a blogger or writing and editing services? Visit my Hire Me page.

Zerlina Maxwell is a posiitve role model for women and girls.
Empowering Discussions, I Am More Than Just a Girl Book

More Than a Girl: Mo’ne, the Little League Superstar Who Throws Like A Girl

Impower You

In 2014, youth baseball will be remembered as the year Mo’ne Davis broke social norms and helped her team win the Little League World Series. She is one of just two girls who played in the series this year out of 18 girls that have played throughout the series’ history. While being a girl player captured media attention, what got her to the series and put her on the cover of Sports Illustrated is her precise and strong pitching talent. She has a 70mph fastball while the average for Little League is 50mph.

An honor student as well as talented athlete her favorite sport is actually basketball and she wants to play in the WNBA. While she loves sports, what’s important to her is having fun and not stressing over the pressure to always be the best. Winning is important to her, but so is having fun “It’s not all about being serious and it’s not all about being the best, I mean you always have to laugh.” says Mo’ne, “No matter if you’re a boy or a girl just go for it because you never know what may happen.”

While it’s important to see girls and women given equal chances as boys and men, ultimately this is a story of an amazing pitcher. Watch a short documentary about Mo’ne at “Mo’ne Davis: Throw Like A Girl” on YouTube.

We are more than JUST girls, we are half the population. If you need some guidance or inspiration grab your copies of “More Than Just a Girl” and “Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment” at Amazon.com

Need a blogger or writing and editing services? Visit my Hire Me page.

Mo’ne Davis has fun playing baseball.
Empowering Discussions

Male Allies Rock: Byron Hurt; Filmmaker, Speaker, anti-Sex Activist

Impower You

Just like homosexuals need to be supportive and vocal allies of the LGBTQ community, men are necessary allies in feminism. While in the past men who vocalized support for the women’s movement were perceived to only be in it for sex or other manipulative purposes, that is most certainly not true for the men featured below. These are men who realize that the patriarchal culture we have cultivated is damaging to both women and men.

Byron Hurt is a speaker, filmmaker and anti-sexism activist. He’s an out and proud feminist, or meninist(men+feminist) if you prefer. His journey to embracing women’s rights are clearly rooted in the imbalance he witnessed in his parents marriage, but didn’t blossom until he almost reluctantly took a job educating others about ending gender violence at Mentors in Violence Prevention, MVP. In 2011 he wrote an article for Time Magazine about why he embraced feminism, Theroot.com/articles/culture/2011/03/why_i_am_a_black_male_feminist.1.html, which you should read and SHARE pronto. Below are a few excerpts that really stood out and impressed me.

Growing up in a “traditional” two-parent home he regularly saw the way his father exerted control over his mother and the whole family. As a child he really wanted his mother to stand up to his father when they argued. Though he vowed not to treat women the same way as his father, eventually he imitated his most powerful male role model and became the type of man he disdained.

Byron Hurt: Feminist, Activist, Role Model

“””I had internalized what I had seen in my home and was slowly becoming what I had disdained as a young boy. Although my mother attempted to teach me better, I, like a lot of boys and men, felt entitled to mistreat the female gender when it benefited me to do so.”””

After working at MVP Byron embraced the ideals of feminism despite originally being turned off from the negative stereotypes of it he had been taught by society.

“””Like most guys, I had bought into the stereotype that all feminists were white, lesbian, unattractive male bashers who hated all men. But after reading the work of these black feminists, I realized that this was far from the truth. After digging into their work, I came to really respect the intelligence, courage and honesty of these women. Feminists did not hate men. In fact, they loved men. But just as my father had silenced my mother during their arguments to avoid hearing her gripes, men silenced feminists by belittling them in order to dodge hearing the truth about who we are.”””

His self-education and career allowed him to understand that gender equality was beneficial to men as well as women.

“””I decided that I loved feminists and embraced feminism. Not only does feminism give woman a voice, but it also clears the way for men to free themselves from the stranglehold of traditional masculinity. When we hurt the women in our lives, we hurt ourselves, and we hurt our community, too.”””

When men accept women as equals they send a message to boys that equality is important and that is what we need the majority of males to live by in the following generations. Byron Hurt’s actions also send a message to girls that men are not the enemy, but a valuable ally against inequality.

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Related articles:

Street harassment is serious! If not physical it’s usually met with a shrug because we tend to think that words are not as dangerous as punches. However, any woman who has been harassed enough on the streets realizes how demeaning it is to be constantly assaulted with words and phrases ranging from silly to scary.  A few years ago, Emily May and her friends(both women and men) created iHollaback to combat street harassment. Changeisup2u.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/emily-may-hollaback/

It’s a human rights issue. You might know Jackson Katz from this TED talk about the “be a man”culture that creates sexism, “Violence Against Women, It’s a Men’s Issue“. He’s an educator, filmmaker, anti-sexist male activist and author of the book “Leading Men: Presidential Campaigns and The Politics of Manhood”.  Jacksonkatz.com

How many men are willing to walk a mile in high heels? It depends on how many men you ask who believe in ending violence against women. Frank Baird created Walk A Mile In Her Shoes to raise awareness about domestic violence by connecting with men and boys and raise money for local domestic violence shelters around the country. Changeisup2u.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/frank-baird-walk-a-mile-in-her-shoes/

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If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com orAmazon.com.

Do you need content marketing, editing services, or a blogger? Visit my Hire Me page.

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Empowering Discussions

The Only Mens Movement That Matters- Healthy Masculinity, Ending Victim Blame, and Changing Behavior Towards Women

Impower You

You’ve probably heard of the “mens right movement” which basically consists of some very confused men who think they are being oppressed by women. A bad joke? No, sadly it’s a real thing. Men join the movement because they are ignorant to the reality that both women and men are oppressed in a patriarchal society. Thankfully there are a mass of intelligent men creating a healthier peaceful world. Here is a sampling. 

Does your workplace promote healthy masculinity? If not you might be interested in this training course for men to change unhealthy behaviors and dangerous cultural stereotypes. Changeisup2u.wordpress.com/2014/10/27/healthy-masculinity/

To be a “good man” is to be vocal.  The Good Men Project is an inclusive community of all genders, races, and sexual orientations talking about healthy manhood.  Goodmenproject.com

Stop the aggressor. Men Stopping Violence is a training organization that provides men with skills and resources to mobilize their communities against violence towards women and girls  Menstoppingviolence.org

It starts at home. Six Ways To Talk To Your Son ABout Male Violence and Healthy Masculinity. Everydayfeminism.com/2014/01/6-ways-to-talk-about-male-violence-and-healthy-masculinity/

All men can support women! This summer the hashtag #AllMenCan blew up social media with men taking a stand for gender equality and against violence for women. Girltalkhq.com/allmencan-hashtag-goes-viral-support-yesallwomen/

 Please share any other wonderful groups you know of in the comments below. If you are part of a program mentoring youth consider sharing your program on  ChangeIsUp2U.Wordpress.com

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If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com orAmazon.com.

Do you need content marketing, editing services, or a blogger? Visit my Hire Me page.

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D.I.Y. Therapy

D.I. Y. Therapy: Comparing Ourselves To Others

Impower You

One of the nastiest ways we can feel bad about ourselves is when we compare our bodies, minds, and accomplishments to others. There will always be someone younger and prettier, smarter and older, or stronger and faster. So what! You have to ask yourself what truly matters. What will you focus on in this life? Your accomplishments or those belonging to another?

I learned the bad habit of comparing way back in elementary school when I compared my status to my peers. In my mind my hand me down clothes, high-water pants, and glasses made me less cool than the pretty girls and the athletic boys. I started down a path of believing and thus being less than others. Because what we believe becomes true wether it is or not. Sadly, I followed that belief through puberty, my early twenties, and all the way to 30. What I picked up was low self-esteem, debt from unhealthy retail therapy, and friends who I constantly wanted to be more like. All this was at the cost of not pursuing my own talents and practicing self-love. It was also a zip line to depression.

Nowadays I rarely compare my life to others, the thoughts occasionally pop into my mind until I become conscious of my suddenly negative outlook. At this point I can stop myself fast, but it took a lot of practice to learn how. This isn’t a super secret, it’s simply choosing not to compare and focusing on who I am and what I can do.

  • Live in the present. Don’t compare where you are to where you want to be. Challenge yourself to accomplish goals that are important to you, not goals that society defines as important. Learn what your strengths are and use those to get what you want out of life.
  • Be aware of your weaknesses. This is important because when we consciously make an effort to say no to unwanted requests or stop addicting behavior, then we have more time to spend on positives. When you start down the path of self-doubt or regret, stop and change those to positive affirmations and focus on lessons learned.
  • Focus on self care; you’ll feel and look your best when you have emotional and physical balance. Eat healthier food and pay attention to how your body feels. What put in and on our bodies affects our physical health and in turn our mental state. Check to see if your personal care products are toxic and rethink that bag of artificially flavored fried chips. Get moving! I know how my depression worsened when I laid in bed or sat around all day.

This action takes time to master, but it’s worth every moment. Once you start feeling good about yourself you won’t want to go back. The downside to changing our lifes is we often have to leave behind people who refuse to change theirs. How many times have you gone along with something because your family, friend or partner was and you wanted to be with them? This doesn’t mean you will have to leave everyone behind. Some of your cherished ones will eventually grow along with you and be able to understad your new self.

 

If you like this blog check out my books and art at Leahis.com or Amazon.com

 If you need content marketing, editing services, or a blogger, Hire Me.

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