Empowering Discussions

Holiday Anger – A Gift That Keeps Giving.

 Personal responsibility is a much better gift that keeps on giving. 

It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of the holidays and walk around with a lit fuse waiting to explode, but we don’t have to be that way.  I was inspired to write this after reading a great quote on the “Let Life In Practices” blog, ““Anybody can become angry-that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way- that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” -Aristotle”

We always have a choice on how we direct our anger. Sadly we most often choose to let anger rise so much that we lash out at others and this is wrong.  Lately I have seen more of this in the form of people waiting in lines, or rather rushing and pushing others out of their way so they could be first.  I also see it in the road rage, or stealing from people as they shop for gifts. What a wonderful time of year indeed. Like all emotions anger has a butterfly affect.  Unlike the Pay It Forward movement which creates a better world, the dominoes of anger cause pain and tragedy.

I get mad of course and sometimes I lash out in rude ways.  But these days, I do it so little that when it happens I feel embarrassed and personally responsible.  What has helped me is being aware of what, who, and when I am most easily angered. Here are a few of those times when I know that I will get angry over little unimportant things.

  • I feel tightness in my stomach.
  • I feel icky and therefore have less patience.
  • I am in a rush to somewhere so so very important.
  • I am tired or hungry.

Over the years I have taught myself different ways to calm down and decide whether or not I want to let my anger out or just let it go. I read lots of books, practiced lots of suggestions and finally found some that work. Here is what I do to counteract those warning signs mentioned above.

  • Take a few deep breaths.
  • Repeat an affirmation, usually this one: “My thoughts are peaceful, my words are peaceful, my actions are peaceful”.
  • Eat some food, but nothing sweet because sugar causes hyper sensitivity.
  • Take a break and close my eyes. If I have time I will take a nap or go to bed early.
  • Slow down and remind myself that either I am not in a hurry or it is better to be late than to cause an accident and make my day and possibly someone else’s worse.

Everyone is different and this won’t work in every situation, but I see anger flare up a lot around stress. I watch others and see how they react and pay attention to what set them off. I so often see myself in the other persons angry shoes that I can realize my own anger needs to go away. Two angry people are so much worse than one. Whatever you choose, practice it often as only then will YOU be able to deal with sudden stressful and angry situations.

Will you take the time to become aware of your own warning signs?

Will you choose when to let your anger out and when to let it go?

What can you do to dissolve or control your anger?


Empowering Discussions, Self Defense

Guns Suck

Yea yea yeah, there are plenty of great arguments FOR guns. People use them to protect, they can save lives, blah blah blah. If there is one thing we can learn from the untimely death of Trayvon Martin it is how much guns suck. Don’t even leave a comment telling me how you think guns are great. It wont be published. Usually I like to hear different points of views, but not today.  You can have whatever opinion you want. That is your right, just keep it to yourself this one time. I am not going to sit here and tell you that you have no right to own a gun. You have a right to believe what you want. I just want you all to know how much I think GUNS SUCK!

For every kid that was hit by a stray bullet as they walked down the street, for every war that claims lives both innocent and guilty, for every friend that stuck a gun to his head and ended his life, for every wife or partner killed,  for every wasted life there is pain. Guns are a PERMANENT solution. You can take back words. You can apologize for yelling. You can heal from a bruise. BUT when a fatal gunshot takes a life, there is no chance, no forgiveness, no hope because guns kill without mercy.

What if  George didn’t have a gun?  Could they have still come to blows? Yes.  Could one of them ended up in the hospital? Yes. Could Trayvon still be alive? YES!

Aside from the disgusting tragedy of how we treat people based on their skin color, the worst part is knowing that the moment he squeezed that trigger lives were destroyed, families wept and a community was ripped apart across the lines of right and wrong. he probably felt like a big man with that gun. It gave him a false sense of control over the situation. It made him think he was invincible and nobody would mess with him. He probably thought I will show this kid who is boss. Only he knows for sure, but these are thoughts people tend to have when they are in possession of a weapon.

Nothing will bring Trayvon back.  It could be 16 years later as one of his friends types a tragedy similar to this on their blog that it all comes back. Their own sad memory of a violent loss from the past will come slamming back into their hearts breaking their resolve, releasing pain so that heavy they can barely see through their tears to continue typing at all. So yes I stick with my unwavering belief that guns suck.

I pray, hope and imagine a world where guns, bombs, landmines and war do not exist. I see a world where arguments, fights and problems are solved without weapons.  What one thing would YOU get rid of from OUR world? What do YOU think sucks?

Book Reviews, Empowering Discussions

Anger and Stress Management

Anger is a healthy emotion, but when you act out violently it becomes unhealthy. Violence can be expressed in an emotional or physical way. Only you can take control of your anger and choose not to lash out at other people. Take the time to think about what is upsetting you.
Ask yourself questions.
What part of this situation is making me feel so angry?
Is there another reason, maybe a previous situation that is causing me to react angrily right now?
What peaceful actions can I take to change this situation?

An affirmation can help you control your emotions in a bad situation. When you create an affirmation use positive words that reflect your goal. Leave out negative words like never, no, against or stop. Replace those with words like always, yes, for and go. Create your own or use the affirmation below. Repeat as needed.


When you feel angry try these tips to CALM DOWN.
Walk away from the situation.
Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. Repeat this step until you feel calm.
Talk to someone you trust. It can be a teacher, mentor, friend or family member.
Count backwards to refocus your concentration. This will give you time to think of what to do next.
Keep a journal and write how you are feeling. Keep track of what upset you and how you dealt with your anger.


This doesn’t mean that you should ignore your feelings or pretend that you are okay when you are not.  This is advice to help you cope with bad situations in a empowered manner. This blog post is an excerpt from my book, “I Am More Than Just a Girl” available at morethanagirl.webs.com

What advice for stress or anger has been helpful to you? Please share in the comment box below.