Author: Impower You

Healing through art & therapy! I used to be depressed and codependent with very low self worth and many unhealthy habits. But several years ago I started the healing process and am sharing what I learned with gratitude and hope for each of us. Peace & hugs, Leah
Empowering Discussions

Bravery is nowhere to be found

Impower You

Isn’t it amazing how we can think ourselves so brave and project courage to the world without a sliver of doubt?At other moments we can feel so afraid and doubting that we hide our face from an unknown opportunity?

run.from.past.cheetahToday I saw a ghost from my past. We cannot deny our past anymore than we can be certain o our future. People and events are not just memories, they shape us and hopefully make us smarter and stronger. We make mistakes or others cause us harm, but what good is living if we cannot move past those moments and use those as lessons to grow? What good comes from worrying that we somehow ruined everything because of one choice?

I thought that was your car as I walked into the store and there you were. I quickly pulled out my phone and checked my email so I would not have to look you in the eye. My bravery faltered and hid beneath the nearest table. At the time I wanted to say Hello, but I listened to fear who said “It will be awkward, you will look stupid, you are not ready.” So I waited until you left. It was a small store so no doubt you saw me and also decided that this was not our time to meet again.

Now, hours later my bravery is talking to me. The same courage which I have used so often before without hesitation to fight, stand up, and be heard. Now that my fear has run off with my doubt I can clearly hear my courageous voice. I should have looked you in the eye and said Hello.  Nothing bad would have happened. The memory of our last meeting may have filled the air with some tension, but it wouldn’t have caused any lasting damage. You would have replied the same and we would go about our days.  

Until next time. I hope there is a next time so that I can prove what happened with you was a lesson I needed to learn.  

I often have a hard time letting go of the past. What I have learned so far is no matter what, that person is a part of my life. They were added during a very interesting time, right before I gave in to life’s request that I open my eyes to look at the world in a new way. They are a part of the me that existed before I consciously chose to fix the parts of that were broken. That person is not bad, I wish them no pain. We both made choices that we have to live with.

What I share with you today is a lesson that EVERYONE can consciously choose to let go and forgive ourselves and others. When we do that we offer ourselves inner peace because focusing on hate has no place in peace. We are human, we are imperfect. It is okay that your bravery falters sometimes. You will have many chances.  Don’t berate yourself for being afraid. Don’t live in the past. Accept every part of you. It is okay.

 When was the last time bravery failed you?

Do you make a habit of listening to fear?

Are you willing to forgive yourself or others?

Will you choose to learn from mistakes and wrongs?

Read all my books at www.Bookemon.com.

Have a Kindle? I have ebooks at www.Amazon.com.

Social Action

Fierce Fridays: Ask Your Brother, Ask Your Dad About Women’s Rights

Impower You

Welcome to week seven of sharing excerpts from the book, Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment. This book is for those who have a desire to get the most out of life. Those who want to make positive change, but are not sure how to make it happen. It is for any age female who needs a reminder of how fierce they can be. It is for young women who will soon be out of high school and on their way to college or some other adventure. Share these posts with all the girls and women in your life. Let them know the book can be read for free online or that a soft cover book is available for sale at Bookemon.com. Enjoy!

 

Ask Your Brother, Ask your Dad!

  There is a ridiculous notion that women’s rights only affect women and that only women care. First, equal rights are detrimental to men if women are unable to take care of themselves or their families when men are not around. Second, living in a world where half the people are oppressed breeds resentment and hatred. Third, progress doesn’t happen when only one type of person is allowed to create, invent and share ideas.

Why would a man not want his wife, mother, or daughter to have skills and opportunities to create stronger family ties so that when he is not around everyone is safe and happy?  Men die and leave, so if a woman is left alone to support a family she needs skills to do so. Working menial labor jobs that pay minimum wage and require very little skills will not support a family. Women do not need to be married to raise a family anymore so there is no reason that women should not be allowed the same opportunities as men.

What men in your life are the most inspiring?  Do they share the qualities like members of the Men of Strength Club? It is not your basic “good old boys club”, but rather one that teaches boys how to be men by respecting and becoming allies with women, stopping sexual assault, understanding how traditional masculinity contributes to violence against women, creating positive social action, and learning healthy non-violent ways to interact with women. Imagine if this become a required class in every high school in the world. Learn how to get a club at your school or community center on MenCanStopRape.org

Another program, Coaching Boys Into Men, teaches the next generation how real men do not use violence to solve problems and deal with women. The program uses athletic coaches to reach young men so they can learn early how to really be a man. Imagine if every athletic coach was required to use this program as they taught boys sports?  Share this program with your school or little league administrators, get information at CoachesCorner.org and FuturesWithoutViolence.org

In 2009, one of the most popular books was “Half the Sky” by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn about the biggest human rights violations our world is facing right now, the oppression of women and girls. The information in this book proves how imperative it is for men to be involved in empowering women and how it effects them as well as their daughters and wives.

It started as a book and became a movement of empowering women in communities across the globe and showing the positive effects for both genders. This includes eradicating poverty through microloans, better maternity care, education, and creating a worldwide support network. Get involved at HalfTheSkyMovement.org

Here are some questions you can ask the men in your life. Don’t attack them or assume they have specific views. Listen to their opinions. Remember that men are as susceptible to the views expressed by the media and culture as women are. Don’t attack, simply listen and discuss. If a man is defensive and refuses to believe that women deserve equality he may not be a person you want in your life.

  • What do you think of how women are portrayed in advertising with very little clothing?
  • How do you feel when you see young girls dressing like adult women in sexy clothing?
  • What can you do to keep the women in your life from falling for beauty and body image myths?
  • Do you believe that women asked to be raped by clothing choices or by going to certain areas?
  • If so, what makes rape any different form other violent crimes?
  • Why do you think women stay in abusive relationships?
  • Do you know of any local domestic violence resources?
  • How do you feel about prostitution?
  • Do you think that most women choose prostitution because they wanted to?
  • What do you know about sex trafficking?
  • How would you feel if your sister, mom, aunt or female friend was a raped, assaulted, or in an abusive relationship?
  • What would you do to help them?
  • How do you feel about machismo or chauvinist pigs?
  • What would you say to a friend who was abusive to his wife or girlfriend?
  • Do you feel like the media expects men to act rough and strong?
  • How does that make you feel?… Continue reading at Bookemon.com
Empowering Discussions

What is the point of education?

Impower You

“Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and diligence.” -Abigal Adams

My grandparents went to school, my parents when to school, my nieces and nephews go to school.  Nobody in my family has been denied access to education. I am one of billions of lucky people in this world to be born in a country that insisted I receive an education and attend school.  I am positive that even if it was not the law for children to attend school, my mother would have made sure I got an education.  Unlike billions of parents she didn’t have to make a decision of whether or not I would be able to attend school. I am lucky because I can read, write, solve math problems, and understand how biology works. I fully understand the other side of this. When you cannot read , write, or count you get swindled and are more likely to live in poverty.

There are a lot of statistics about education.  On DoSomething.org it says that an estimated 862 million people in the world are illiterate and up to 115 million children do not attend primary school. That’s a lot of lost potential. These people could go on to cure diseases, farm healthy organic food,  become teachers to millions more, and enjoy the seemingly simple act of reading for fun and growth. We are missing out on so much progress because of a lack of education. Billions of people are pushed into poverty because they have no access to a basic education. THERE IS HOPE! Below are examples of two very different people who are making education a priority.

Nazma of Kolkata is taking tiny steps for her education so she can someday have a home with real walls and a  door that locks for safety. She is the first in her family to receive an education at school and she is determined to take the little steps she needs to get there.  Right now she lives on the streets.  She bathes fully clothed in the dark so she is not harassed. She is a SURVIVOR!  “An uneducated person goes one way, an educated person goes in another. I am going in another.”- Nazma.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHZ03pq95fA

Vidur Chopra calls on education leaders to be proactive on making sure everyone has access to education . “It is important that we understand that young people have the skills, have the motivation to be able make a difference in their lives and the lives of their communities, but at the same time it’s equally important that we provide them with the platform and the programs that help them, that empower them“- Vidur Chopra. He spent a summer teaching at a Ethiopian refugee camp. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ae425u1Emo

Education is and always has been a cure for poverty, violence, famine, and apathy. Like the proverb says “Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach a person to fish and they will have food for a lifetime.”  We must continue to make access to education a priority for everyone in every part of the world so they can be their own heroes and solve their own problems. We must teach people to care for themselves.  We must encourage critical thinking and basic skills. We can watch people suffer or we can be proactive. With my education I share resources, teach self defense, vote in elections, sign petitions, and encourage learning.

What Are YOU Giving The World With YOUR Education?

Read all my books at www.Bookemon.com.

Have a Kindle? I have ebooks at www.Amazon.com.

Empowering Discussions

Role Model: Ron Tinsley of Prophetik Soul

Impower You

“Listen to children”, is a very simple saying that I live by.  Too often we find it easy to just tell youth what they should do without listening to their needs. Without listening to their individual needs we cannot lead them them to a healthy destination. I met Ron Tinsley in an online business forum about mentoring youth. The more I learned about his mentoring the more intrigued I became.  When we hear about gangs, human trafficking, and prostitution we learn how many victims are coerced into these lifestyles when they were young without a caring adult who tells them they deserve better and are capable of  success. It is a real treat to share his interview with you. I have volunteered and worked with youth since college and I can tell you how important it is to have good mentors. We are not all born with built in navigation or necessarily lucky enough to have a supportive family. Enjoy and then pass it on.

What was your inspiration or what necessitated you to begin this adventure? I began working in youth development because of the love and care I received from adults as a young person. I grew up in a poor single parent family in North Philadelphia with few opportunities. Members of a local church mentored me and helped me understand my full potential. As they helped me become spiritually grounded and made me a part of their families, I began to want other young people to have this same experience. Once I completed college, I began thinking more creatively about youth development. I started working with youth in my church and community. Over time, I became a youth advocate for low income families in areas of education, skill building and mentorship. I have been on this journey ever since.

What steps did you take to create your program? I have created programs and worked within programs. When I became an Area Director (1999-2006) for an organization in Wilmington, DE, the first thing I did was spend time with youth listening to them at their school and in their community. Since my background is in art, it wasn’t hard to get their attention. Once I listened, they began to reveal their fears and dreams. From there, I started initiatives giving them the opportunity to reach for their dreams and face their fears. I trained some for leadership positions and over time, the programs take on a life of their own. Once empowered, they wanted to empower others. So I spent time finding adult volunteers to guide and encourage them.

What obstacles were you forced to overcome? Since I was starting programs inside of schools, I had to overcome initial skepticism from teachers, staff and students. So I understood that, in the beginning, I would attract students that were familiar with me personally and culturally. As I trained the student leaders and teacher volunteers, this began to change but it took at least 3 years. At one point, 20% of the school population was showing up to my programs. We did not change the racial dynamics but we became an example of what is possible. As teachers volunteered, more students showed up.

What were the hardest problems to solve or actions to take? I realized that I could not change the racial dynamics at the school but I could model a different attitude. Although the group eventually became more multiethnic, I became increasingly concerned about students on the margins. I set up the program so that it was self sustaining with teacher volunteers and student leaders making decisions. I put more of my energies into befriending hard-to-reach kids who did not fit inside my cultural norms. The goal was not to get them into my programs although they were welcome to attend. It was to spend time in their space and show that there was an adult who cared. This took tremendous time and energy. Over time, I did not win all of them over but some realized that I was simply trying to help them.

What must you do to stay operational? Right now, I work for a private high school that caters to at-risk students. One thing that we consistently emphasize is the need for our students to develop more social capital. Low income minority students tend to be isolated from supportive networks. So we continue to encourage service learning and provide opportunities for them to lead to expose them to professionals. We also must find new ways to be financially sustainable so they can afford our tuition. They are usually the first one in their family to attend college.

Who, if anyone, helped you succeed? There are too many people to name. I am standing on a lot of shoulders from people who financially helped me complete college to people who simply gave me advice. Today, there are 2-3 adult men that have been mentoring me for over 15 years. I stay in contact with them regularly. I also give credit to my late mother who may have had a hard life but was the first one I saw in my extended family attempt to go to college. She did not finish but that example inspired me. Today, I have 2 college degrees.

Do you have any advice for readers who want to get involved or start a similar program? Grab a few youth and go deep over a long period of time. There are too many youth programs that have very few adult mentors and a lot of youth. Often times, the impact is minimal. Some youth, like me, don’t grow up with wisdom being passed to them from their mother and father. So, we must overcompensate for what is lacking by pouring into them. Because the deficit is great, being a physical presence will demand a lot from us. This is why I recommend starting small. There are young adults that I have been mentoring since they were in elementary school.

I developed the Bulls Eye Method based on how Jesus developed his leaders. Select a small group of 10 students. The center circle is you. The second circle around you is 3 youth who go on special assignments with you. They should feel a deeper sense of responsibility than the others. Let them see how you teach, interact and lead. The third circle is 7 youth who are committed but need more development. Use the second circle to develop the third circle. Then you have the fourth circle of youth who are curious about your programs. They see what you are doing and are partial to it. Youth should have the ability to move up through those circles if they display a sense of mission and duty over time. Celebrate them as much as you can because they may not be receiving it at home. When you go deep with them, they will bond together (but you will lose some). In the end, they need to know that they do not have to live life alone and that you wont abandon them. I teach them we were not put on this earth simply for ourselves. Learn more about Ron’s work at ProphetikSoul.com

Ron Tinsley is a teacher and communications director at a private high school in Philadelphia. He has worked with different organizations serving youth in Lancaster, PA, Wilmington, DE and Philadelphia, PA. He has a BFA in Graphic Design from The University of the Arts and a MA in Urban Studies from Eastern University. For the past 20 years, he has worked with children, youth, and families in disadvantaged communities in Christian and secular contexts. He owns Prophetik Soul, a media company that promotes his t-shirt designs and his writings on media, youth development and social change. He is also an adjunct college instructor. He resides in his native Philadelphia with his family.

Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment

Fierce Fridays: Domestic Violence

Impower You

Welcome to week seven of sharing excerpts from the book, Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment. This book is for those who have a desire to get the most out of life. Those who want to make positive change, but are not sure how to make it happen. It is for any age female who needs a reminder of how fierce they can be. It is for young women who will soon be out of high school and on their way to college or some other adventure. Share these posts with all the girls and women in your life. Let them know the book can be read for free online or that a soft cover book is available for sale at Bookemon.com. Enjoy!

Domestic Violence

A peaceful, loving home is a right we expect to grow up with. Unfortunately some people use violence in relationships and at home to control their family. This is called Domestic Violence. Most people think victims of domestic violence are obvious to spot because they often have bruises and broken bones. However abuse can also be emotional or financial. Your abuser at home may use hurtful words and be manipulative or put your health and life in danger. They may control you with money and refuse to allow you access to money or keep you away from family and friends. They will convince you that you are wrong and they are right. This is not acceptable behavior.

Empowered girls are NOT victims. You are STRONG and BRAVE. When you fight back and defend yourself YOU ARE A SURVIVOR.

There are options if someone at home is hurting you. There are resources in your community that can stop your abuser. Your first step is to tell someone. This may seem terrifying because you are afraid your abuser will find out and get mad at you. But it is a step you must take before anyone can help you.

Tell someone you trust such as a friend’s parent, a teacher, a coach, a counselor, a neighbor or a relative. If you keep quiet the abuse will continue. No person has the right to hit you or verbally abuse you. Not your parents, your siblings, your teacher, your coach your friends or anyone. Your life matters. YOU ARE IMPORTANT! Call the Domestic Violence National Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224

A popular movement in India is the Gulabi Gang, aka the women in pink saris. This group of around 300,000 women travels throughout their communities persuading men to stop beating their wives and to stop corrupt government officials from abusing power. To stop domestic abuse a large group will visit abusers and tell them to stop. If the abuse continues, the women return and beat the men with sticks. It isn’t just about hitting back, it is about empowering women with rights as equal as men. This is a proven way that everyone can be lifted from poverty and violence. The founder, Sampat Pal Devi says, “I told them wherever you go you’ve got to work hard to feed yourself. That is what empowering women is all about, not making men and women fight.”

Sampat was married at age 9, sent to live with her husband at 12 and gave birth to her first child at 13. She worked for a government health agency before deciding that working directly in her community by educating women, teaching income generating skills and stopping abuse and corruption was more suited to her personally. *(6)

Being independent and single may sound bad, but it is better than being with someone who hurts you. Don’t fall into a trap that you always need to be in a relationship for validation. Dating is fun, but it takes up a lot of time so why waste that time with someone who doesn’t really love you?

• Why would someone who loves you hurt you?

• How does it feel when someone you love treats you badly?

• Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you, follows you, and constantly keeps track of you?

• Does that sound like love?

• Does that sound like someone who doesn’t trust you?

• Have you been told that you are unlovable by someone and that you should be lucky they stay with you?

• If so, why does that sound true to you?

• If so, why does that sound wrong to you?… Continue reading at Bookemon.com

 

 

Empowering Discussions

Solar Communities, Fix It Yourself Classes, Birdbrains, Conscious Capitilsm, and Our Next Steps

Impower You

I have found some intriguing articles about science, progress, and actions people are taking to move our world forward in a positive direction. Change is as inevitable as breathing.  It is what we all rely on to grow and enjoy life. It can be scary, but once we adapt it is often amazing. I love reading about science because there are so many possibilities when new discoveries are made.

Community Electricity Gardens? Electricity co-ops are nothing new and are a great way to create a more involved community.  Change the electricity from coal to a sustainable source and you get the added benefit of helping the planet. Like community gardens, a community solar garden is goof fr everyone.  Colorado is building a second community solar garden to meet the electric needs of a growing population after the success of their first one last year.  SunShare is the first municipal utility in the USA to create one. Check out this article and video: Colorado Connection website.

Wait! Don’t throw that away.  Do you ever get tired of hearing about toxic and leaky landfills? Or do you just feel guilty buying things that you know will break and add to our piles of litter?  Peter Mui started free clinics to teach people how to fix instead of toss. Read the article: SierraClub.org/sierra/201301/act-fixit-clinic-300.aspx

Who are you calling a Birdbrain? That might not be an insult if you have great musical talent. Scientists are studying the link between language and song in humans and birds.  By learning about language evolution research can be done on how and why speech disorders happen. Potentially this reaseach could be used to cure disorders in humans.  Read the full article: ScienceNews.org/view/generic/id/348340/description/Bird_human_tweets_come_from_similar_parts_of_the_brain

Materialism is a big pet peeve of mind.  I used to love shopping. As a child growing up poor and wanting things it took me years to break my habit of shopping for either fun with friends or to fill that empty feeling in my gut. There is nothing wrong with wanting for ourselves or buying gifts for other. However with the rise of mass production we have become more focused on how many shiny new things we can have at the cost of environmental destruction. I believe that if humans insist on consuming material objects we should do so as responsibly as possible.  It is very easy to shop for gifts that are healthy for the environment and or give back to help others..

The first article is focused on eco-conscious gifts for a greener world: GreenGiftsGuide.com/gifts-give-back-to-the-environment/

The second article are socially conscious gifts for a better world: Cnn.com/2013/02/13/world/iyw-social-entreprenuers

It’s not all bad news and we can make it better! Joe Lauer has compiled a list of 10 ways humans are working to make our planet cleaner.  With each success he shares the next step to take for continued success. Greenopolis.com/goblog/joe-laur/top-10-environmental-success-stories-and-10-future-challenges

 What science or progress news stories are most interesting to you?

Do you know a great article or video that you can share in a comment below?

🙂

Read all my books at www.Bookemon.com.

Have a Kindle? I have ebooks at www.Amazon.com.

Empowering Discussions

Role Model: Tun Sukonthamarn Flancman of PooPoo Paper

Impower You

Reuse and recycle  is a message we hear over and over, but how many of us actually do on a regular basis? We know that paper can be revitalized for new paper products, that plastic bottles can be turned into fabric, and that many other materials can be repurposed into new clothing and accessories. The ingenious recyclers of this world constantly surprise me with their innovation and capability to turn trash into something useful. I just never thought elephant waste would be one of those products. Tun Sukonthamarn and her husband Michael Flancman prove that even the least appetizing of resources can be not only useful, but environmentally friendly. I hope this interview inspires you to look at the waste around you and see what treasures you can turn it into.

What was your inspiration or what necessitated you to begin this adventure? A combination of things inspired us to start this business.  Asides from wanting to start our own business by leveraging my familiarity with Thailand and my Canadian husband’s familiarity and contacts in western markets, we loved the concept, happy nature of the products and the marketing challenge that manufacturing a product made from poop would present!  We liked how the focus of our products would be sustainable and we were inspired more broadly by the opportunities of developing additional alternative, non-wood, tree-free papers in the future.

What steps did you take to create your business? We started off small with a very limited product range, developed a nice display and signage to help sell the product and tested it at one account in Canada that we thought would be an ideal retail outlet for our products.  We offered very reasonable pricing (too reasonable actually), told the account that we’d take the product back if they didn’t sell and then we waited to see what would happen.  The positive feedback came in fast and we ramped up quickly from that point.

What obstacles were you forced to overcome? Mostly the obstacles were related to planning and determining the risk level we were comfortable with during the ramp up phase.  After all, we weren’t certain that one successful test in one account would translate to wider success in the market so we were most concerned with how to establish a scalable production facility that would minimize our risk and inventory planning in North America.  These risk were amplified of course when the recession hit.  We knew our products weren’t a necessity for consumers but we also were convinced that there was a passionate niche market for our products regardless of the state of the economy.  We modified our product mix and focused on developed less expensive, smaller items that everyone could afford and we manufactured less of the pricier expensive items.  Navigating through a downturn with mixed signals from the market is tough but we have tried to keep our focus on the long-term to help steer us.

What were the hardest problems to solve or actions to take? Personally, juggling family life and the business was/ is a challenge.  We’ve had three kids since we started our business and we like to be closely involved with them so managing our time and scheduling is important and poses a great challenge.  This probably means our business hasn’t grown as fast as it may have if we didn’t have kids but we’re happy with the trade-off.  In terms of my relationship with my husband, well, we’ve both had to learn to understand and appreciate each other’s approach which can be very different coming from different cultures.

What must you do to stay operational? Have a few good, key, trustworthy people in supervisory roles and watch the business everyday closely.  It’s tiring but rewarding and it does get easier if you can retain your staff and have low turnover.

Who, if anyone, helped you succeed? My husband is my partner and can apparently sell anything – including paper made from poop!  He’s great at marketing and he’s takes the lead on the extroverted stuff like sales, PR, product design and development.  He has been critical.  Having said that I’m responsible for the day-to-day operations, production, administrative, and managing the staff…equally as critical!  Perfect partnership.

Do you have any advice for readers who want to get involved or start a similar business? My general advice would be do something that you can get passionate about.  It takes a lot of energy to stay motivated day in and day out when running your own business and it helps tremendously to know that your focus is on something important and of interest to you.

Buy your own eco-paper at PooPooPaper.com …This interview is from a  book that includes 15 other amazing people who are creating positive change. You can read the full book and buy a copy for you or your school at Bookemon.com

Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment

Fierce Fridays: Sexual Assault

Impower You

feminist books, books about feminism, books for girls, books for teens, books for women

Welcome to week six of sharing excerpts from the book, Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment. This book is for those who have a desire to get the most out of life. Those who want to make positive change, but are not sure how to make it happen. It is for any age female who needs a reminder of how fierce they can be. It is for young women who will soon be out of high school and on their way to college or some other adventure. Share these posts with all the girls and women in your life. Let them know the book can be read for free online or a a soft cover book is available for sale at Bookemon.com. Enjoy!

Sexual Assault

Are you tired of being called a victim just because you are a woman? Women and men(and boys and girls) who are assaulted are not to blame. It doesn’t matter what we wear or say or do. When rape occurs there is often an undertone of how that person should have known someone had intent to hurt them or that it isn’t safe to go anywhere alone. Does that mean we should accept a belief that all people are dangerous in the wrong circumstances? What exactly are the wrong circumstances? If assault happens at home, school, work or at a party are we really supposed to believe those are wrong circumstances? Yes you can use prevention to lower your risk (more on that later). However since rape is a violent crime committed by another person, it is completely and only the perpetrators fault.

For a long time women have been told to keep quiet about sexual assault and that has only caused it to grow. History shows us that when we ignore violent problems they escalate because if nobody stands up for themselves or another, they are giving the offender a chance to hurt more people. Millions of girls and women and boys and men have been sexually assaulted. It is a crime that hurts all genders, though it is mostly females that are sexually assaulted. This is because many cultures enforce a gender biased belief that girls are sexual objects, and inferior to or only alive to obey and serve a man.

You can fight sexual assault by starting conversations about why we must put an end to it. Ask your male friends and family members about sexual assault, harassment and rape. Since rapists are mostly men, it is important that men take the steps to end rape. We cannot continue to ignore when a person is molested, raped or assaulted. Rape is bad. Sex is good. It is an undeniably important part of life and not something bad. Sex is an act you should enjoy when and only WHEN YOU ARE READY. Sex should never be an act that hurts.

Words can cause as much harm as violence. There is a disgusting trend of calling a girl a slut, a whore or easy when she has sex. This is a terrible act of verbal abuse. When you use these words you are perpetuating a gender bias that punishes girls while rewarding boys. We have a completely opposite view of boys and sex. Boys are called a stud or manly and considered to be cool when they have sex. This double standard is one reason girls are wary of admitting to sexual assault. In the case of sexual assault, girls are often blamed for being a tease or dressing in revealing clothing. Girls are told that they “were asking” to be assaulted or raped because of how they acted or dressed. This is just not true! It’s called victim-blame and it is wrong!

The only person to blame in a case of sexual assault is the attacker. Sexual assault happens because the predator is violent. Women are assaulted and raped wearing head to toe coverings like burqas or sweats that are not considered sexy, so this belief that how a woman dresses causes rape is illogical. It also doesn’t matter if you flirt, have had sex before or even say you want to and then change your mind. If you say no or stop, and your partner forces you to have sex, that person is a rapist.

It’s very plain and simple, NO MEANS NO! You have a right to fight back!

You have a right to protect yourself from sexual predators and you have the right to be protected if you report an assault. There are trained emergency responders who can assist you in reporting a crime. After an assault there are steps you can take to help police identify and arrest your attacker. While it may seem scary to admit to being assaulted or raped, your report can help police prove someone is dangerous and keep them from hurting someone else. Even if you decide not to press charges, reporting a rape can help police find serial rapists and keep them off the streets. If you are assaulted there are actions you can take to get help. Counseling and the tools to continue living as a survivor are available.

If you are assaulted, do not take a shower. Stay in the clothes you wore during the attack. If you are raped you need to have a physical exam. You need to be tested for STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). A nurse or doctor will collect any DNA such as hair or blood samples off your body and clothes for what is called a rape kit. This will be used if you decide to press charges.

Do not waste your time in a relationship with someone who disrespects you. Whether you date a boy or a girl, your partner should treat you with respect. You should feel safe and loved when you are in a romantic relationship. If your partner pressures you into activities or puts you in situations that make you uncomfortable tell them. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. Other people cannot read your mind, so it is important to speak up about sex in a relationship. If your partner refuses to change, leave them. Their behavior will only become worse. You are too important to date someone who does not truly care about you.

Your feelings are equally important. Your partner should never make you feel inferior or control you. Whether your relationship is romantic or platonic, you have the right to say NO! You deserve to be loved.

It is always your choice to say yes or no to sex, drugs, smoking, drinking, shoplifting, teasing or hurting others and any activity that causes you to be scared or uncomfortable. YOU HAVE THE POWER to surround yourself with people who treat you well. Free counseling and supportive services are available to survivors and victims of sexual assault.

Call the Sexual Assault National Hotline at 1-800-656-4673

You have a right to change your mind and can say NO even if you said YES last time.

You have a right to change your mind in the heat of the moment.

You have a right to wear what you want and not be harassed or assaulted.

You have a right to drink alcohol or use drugs and not be raped.

You are capable of deciding for yourself about when is a good time to have sex and when is not.

You are capable of not bowing down to pressure to have sex or perform sexual acts.

You are capable of telling someone their actions or words are not appropriate.

You deserve to be treated with respect… Continue reading at Bookemon.com.

Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment

Fierce Fridays: Reproductive Rights

Impower You

Welcome to week five of sharing excerpts from the book, Fierce: A New Generation of Female Empowerment. This book is for those who have a desire to get the most out of life. Those who want to make positive change, but are not sure how to make it happen. It is for young women who will soon be out of high school and on their way to college or some other adventure. It is also for women of any age who needs a reminder of how fierce she can be.  My hope is that you will share these posts with all the girls and women in your life. Let them know the book can be read for free online or a a soft cover book is available for sale at Bookemon.com. Enjoy!

“I do not wish them(women) to have power over men, but over themselves.” -Mary Wollstonecraft

Reproductive Rights

   The right to decide to have children or not is a human right. For women it determines our health, our opportunity for education, and income. If we cannot choose to use birth control or have an abortion than we are not in control of our bodies. Pressure to give birth to and raise children comes from religion, conservative politicians, culture, and old school tradition. Laws that don’t allow insurance coverage of contraception and pharmacists that deny selling contraception or morning after pills can also be a barrier for birth control.

Reproductive rights affect men. When a woman gets pregnant she will most often rely on her partner to help care for the child.  This means that men have to change their lifestyles, may leave or not attend school so they can work, and even raise his child alone or in shared custody.

In the issue of health we may not survive child birth or be able to bring a baby to full term. If a woman dies during childbirth and the baby survives than the father is expected to take care of her or him. If women are refused the option to terminate a pregnancy for health reasons then we are not considered equal to men. We are in fact second class citizens who are seen as disposable and unable to care for our own bodies.

It is harder to get an education when we are pregnant. Childcare is time consuming, financially and physically draining, we face discrimination, and our access to school is limited. When we have a choice to wait or not have children at all we give ourselves more time to attain a college degree and then afford the cost of childcare if we choose motherhood.

Not everyone can rely on their partner or parents to assist with raising a baby. These are question for men and women because either parent can change their mind after realizing what it really takes to be a parent.

Childcare is very expensive so pregnancy affects our opportunities to rise above or keep from falling into poverty. In 2011 the USDA reported that middle class parents of “a child born in 2011 can expect to spend about $234,900 to raise that child over the next 17 years.” *(4) Even in a good economy that is a lot of money. Most families would have to go into debt to spend that much. With the rise of single parent homes and shared custody agreements that would be impossible.

Currently women in most countries have access to abortions because of the law. Should reproductive rights be controlled by the government or is that reaching too far into your personal life? Is it fair that a man who cannot become pregnant is in a position of power vote on women’s reproduction? In a 2011 report by Save the Children, countries were studied to see who had the best and worst maternity care. “A typical Norwegian woman has 18 years of formal education and will live to be 83 years old; 82 percent are using some modern method of contraception, and only 1 in 175 will lose a child before his or her fifth birthday. At the opposite end of the spectrum, in Afghanistan, a typical woman has fewer than five years of education and will not live to be 45. Less than 16 percent of women are using modern contraception and 1 child in 5 dies before reaching age 5. At this rate, every mother in Afghanistan is likely to suffer the loss of a child.”

In early 2012 Sandra Fluke a Georgetown law student made the news twice. The first time was because she had attempted to speak at a congressional hearing on women’s reproductive rights, but was not allowed. She wanted to speak about the lack of birth control available for women in college. The hearing didn’t include any women at all. This was outrageous and she made a point of letting women know how our rights were being discussed behind closed doors with no women allowed.

The second time was immediately after her first story went viral. People were outraged to hear a famous radio host   Rush Limbaugh, who is bigoted and only famous for spreading hate, call Sandra a “SLUT” after she spoke out about her attempt to testify in congress.*(5) Thousands of people spoke up and signed petitions asking for a boycott of Limbaugh’s radio show with the result of 12 sponsors pulling their advertisements. While the attack was simply another attempt to take power away from women, it created discussions and brought to light the reality of how women are treated and how underrepresented we are in government office.

If this pisses you off, you can get involved in the fight for women to have reproductive rights by volunteering with an organization like Planned Parenthood. This global non-partisan, non-profit organization is an advocate for millions of women, men, teenagers, and families by providing healthcare that includes sexual and reproductive healthcare, and sexual education. You can be a changemaker at PlannedParenthood.org.

You can find a variety of statistics online and in books to find out the affects of reproductive laws. They all boil down to the fact that when we restrict a woman’s right to choose contraception or abortion, and do not educate women about reproduction, than we increase the chances of unwanted pregnancies and dangerous health conditions for women and babies. Making abortion something we need to have government permission for shows that women are not seen as equal.

  • Is your sexual partner willing to care for a baby?
  • Are you prepared to be the sole provider for childcare?
  • How many people do you know are raising a child alone?
  • Why do you think someone else should control your choice of pregnancy, abortion, or birth control?… Continue reading at Bookemon.com
Empowering Discussions

What are colleges doing to protect and educate students on safety?

Impower You

I just read this wonderful article for students, administration, and parents to read about safety on college campuses. In every self defense class I teach my message is “Be aware, but don’t live in fear.” We all must be proactive in protecting ourselves. College is a fun age to party and enjoy life, but I would like to see more administrations teaching and supporting safety for all students.

One in four women will be raped in college. We have seen the news reports of gunfire and death on college campuses. It is time for all schools to be proactive in teaching safety to the students, staff, and the parents of students. Check out this article on the Lifestyle 30 blog and PASS IT ON!

http://lifestyle30.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/the-30-over-project-why-students-have-to-worry-about-more-than-having-fun-on-campus

Be Aware. Don't Live in Fear

 

 

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