Two years ago I was researching death and grief for my book Jody’s Garden. I recently stumbled over some notes that reminded me of how little our society respects grief and how we attempt to ignore death as part of our journey. Below are a few quotes from books that stood out in my research. If you are dealing with death or grief, I hope this give you some sort of healing.
“I am not advocating that humor should cover up grief or that laughter need replace tears. It is important to grieve the loss of a loved one. Unresolved grief often causes problems down the road. What I am saying is that laughter and tears are both valid in the dying and grieving process.” Allen Klein In the Face of Death and Dying.
“…it certainly seems time to move beyond our current habit of using untested theories to create lengthy and agonizing models for loss, ones that I believe have created more fear and anxiety about the experience.” Ruth Davis Koigsberg, The Truth About Grief: The Myth f it’s Five Stages and the New Science of Loss.
“Sometimes we need help to break through our decorum, In many parts of the world, professionals are hired to cry at funerals. Wailers, usually women, stand by the grave and openly grieve, their high cries a kind of ululation, spread among the mourners until they too break down.” Eve Joseph, In the Slender Margin: The Intimate Strangeness of Death and Dying.
Let it go or talk it out. Whichever method is best for you. Grief is an opportunity to heal wounds, settle feuds, let go of anger so that you can heal. Grief is frustrating because it is so final. You might be angry and you are allowed to feel that way. Find ways to forgive the transgressions of your loved ones, before or after death. At least try.
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