The Battle

I do one thing wrong, then another. It doesn’t take much at all. The regrets pile up so thick and I can barely move. They surround me. Taunt me. Distract me from my goal. Momentarily stunned I sink into them letting my mistakes and missed opportunities become all I know. The past will take me down, depress me, frighten me, encompass me for days, weeks or months. Life will pass me by as I freeze with fear and doubt. I’m not good enough. Not smart enough. I dont have the resources. I belive each lie until it becomes truth. This way I dont get hurt. I am only protecting you my past says. Sure you are, I reply. I know better, but its easier to not ever try. So I wait. I cry. I am miserable. Before long a bright event or new opportunity will break through the wall I erected and I will lunge at it with all my strength. It will pull me to safety. Each time I say that is the last time, but don’t really believe myself. The battle rages on.