There is a GIANT difference between being depressed and being bummed out. I spent years being depressed and when I finally committed to heal myself life became so much better. After a whole year of feeling balanced I was surprised to find out that I could have such bad days. Plural. Days that just don’t feel right. Stress can be overwhelming and I have been under a lot lately what with not knowing where I would move to and realizing it was going to take a long time to clear all my financial debts.
These are the ultimate tests for me. Can I survive such strong emotions and negative thoughts or will I slip back into darkness? Yes I can survive and no I will not return to depression. I made a decision and every time I start to waver over that because of one, two, or three of “those days” I pinch myself. I am reminded of why I chose to start living. My friends untimely death was the biggest slap by far. She was gone, but I am still here so it’s time to stop wasting my one and precious life. Working at a job I despised and dreamed about quitting months before I actually did was a push. Seeing how much debt I had created from “feel better” shopping sprees and not being able to hold a job was a reason. Being unhappy and not wanting to hate myself and my body was another reason. Seeing my nieces and nephew growing up and not being able to spend time with them was sad. Realizing I hated myself was the last straw.
Change takes time and hard work. I sometimes forget that small fact of life. Instant gratification may have become a cultural norm, but that doesn’t mean we have to live that way.
When the storm moves in and the rain starts flooding my mind with apathy I consciously push those clouds back until I find the sun. Once I can see that yellow ball of warmth I am reminded of all that I want, all that I lost, all I have accomplished, and all that can be if only I try. So if you are having one of those days, weeks, or months, remind yourself that you are capable of changing your situation. Pinch your arm. Wake Up!
What do you really want?
What actions must you take to get that?
Are you willing to put forth the effort?