I didn’t mean to push you away. I didn’t want to make you go. I want you so much. So I push you away.
I run away. I run so fast that nobody can catch me.
Hide under a mask of smiles and lies. Hide so nobody ever sees my broken soul.
That push keeps me safe. No broken hearts, no scars, no pain. Nobody can hurt me I brag. Nobody will ever break me I boast. Ha! These are lies I say to all of you. They hurt to say. They hurt, but they grow.
Fear fuels me. Raw and numb, it has filled my soul. This fear is destroying me. Slowly scratching away at my soul. Stealing my hope and weakening my bones. I want to rip fear out, break it into little pieces and stomp it to dust. Stomp till it is just a memory.
Can you see my broken spirit. The holes and cracks. It’s not complete. It’s not like yours.
Your spirit is strong and filled with warmth. You glow without fear.
Everyday I scream on the inside. I curl up in a little ball. It’s dark in here, but when you are near I feel warm light. Stay with me. Don’t leave. Don’t tell me it’s too late. Offer your hand. Pull me out. I will not push you. I will not run away. I will not hide.
I will take your hand. I will not look back. I will not let go.