From Dove to Phoenix; a Journey by Guest Writer Jasmine Farrell

I first found work by Jasmine on Instagram and immediately fell in love with her words. She has definitely risen from the ashes to grace the world as a phoenix and I hope you enjoy her guest post as much as I did.

My book, Phoenixes Groomed as Genesis Doves is about my journey to self-discovery, self-love, letting go of habits and passed down traditions that hindered me from reaching my core. PGAGD has poems that highlight my outlook on society, friends, family, and the realization of my new vision that I am a phoenix. Phoenixes Groomed as Genesis Doves is a long title, I know. So here’s the deal:
After leaving Christianity, beginning my journey to self-discovery, self-love and delivering myself from the opinions of others, I realized something- I was groomed to be one way but I was destined to be something else.
I was a pretty little genesis dove. Avoided dancing to secular music (even though I love dancing) hid my voice and avoided addressing my wounds. I hid my heart’s desires in exchange for “God’s desires.” I denied natural desires and what my soul wanted which eventually caused internal damage.
I let go.
The need to please a God who wants me to deny my essence and my core was not it for me.
I’m like a phoenix. I have constantly gone through trials and tribulations, been burned by loved ones, life and my own insecurities. Nonetheless each time, I rose up from my own ashes and started again. I’ve got vibrant wings that make me a bit peculiar and I am boldly living out the best me that I can be (and I’m still growing and learning) without apologies.
However, the road to loving me and self-discovery is a new one.
Since I was a child I loved dancing, music, crystals, gem stones, being inquisitive and freely creative. As I got older, I added storytelling, erotic novel writing, un-muzzling my voice and speaking out against society’s nonsense through my poetry. The aforementioned statement may sound normal to some of you. However, for those of you whom have a story adjacent to mine: Obtaining confidence and self-love is a no-no. I searched for those two things anyway.
I’ve been following my heart and my gut for a year and a half now.
Following my heart is the reason why I ran out of my comfort zone as though a roach were on my leg. I grew up believing that my heart was deceitful and should not be trusted. I was to trust elders first before trusting my own instincts. However, once I reached 23 years old, I had enough.
I let go of the religious rhetoric and society’s view of how I’m supposed to be. Began to trust my gut and look within for answers.
I am still dealing with cognitive dissonance concerning scriptural passages that pop every now and then (No, it isn’t God. Look up cognitive dissonance) I faced my issues with assistance and found me. I’m a damn phoenix.
I burn brightly through various tribulations and rose up from my own painful ashes, again and again… and again. I will not be silent about it. I will soar boldly in the sky with the other phoenixes. I know there are many of us.
Our hearts were born to be something completely different, yet we were groomed to be something else. Maybe you were raised to be a phoenix and you were meant to be a genesis dove. Maybe you were told that you were supposed to be a lawyer but you knew in your heart that you wanted to a doctor or a painter.
Maybe you were groomed to be a phoenix and you’re really a genesis dove?
Return to yourself and live at peace!