Do you ever get so mad you want to hit or scream at someone? Have you ever felt the intensity of road rage after barely avoiding collision with a bad driver? Do people annoy you with their stupidity? I can answer yes to all 3 questions. Anger used to cause so much stress and negativity in my life. Used to that is, because now when I feel my anger or agitation towards someone… I have learned to balance my inner beast. I’ve found inner peace.
Don’t let the P word freak you out! I know you’re thinking, “Oh no is this some Buddhist, New Age, Metaphysical, Hokey, BS blog where she tells me to meditate?” No. It’s none of those things.
Calming my anger is a skill learned on a life journey heavy with failures, and is not affiliated with any religion or spirituality.There’s a difference between truly calming your anger and being passive aggressive. You can pretend your not angry at someone and then passive aggressively let it out or you can ditch toxic behavior altogether. Anger holds us back and creates tension in our relationships. It ruins our lives. You can’t control other people, but you can control how you react. You are totally in charge when it comes to how you deal with life. Below are 3 steps that I’ve been using the past few years to cool my anger and to end my passive aggressive behavior.
Step One: Become conscious of your anger building up inside you. Ask yourself, is this person purposely being a jerk/putting my in danger or just /not paying attention/doing something that annoys me. Be honest now!
If it is simply annoyance on my part I step back and see how I can control my own agitation at their action that obviously doesn’t bother them, Like if that someone is playing music too loud, driving poorly, or spouting disagreeable beliefs. I change my focus to something positive and ignore them.
However if they are creating danger or threatening me than I need to quickly find a way to get out of or fix the situation. I teach self-defense, so I know the warning signs and am not too proud to run with the wind. Distance can be a cure all for so much drama. If I can’t get away or don’t want to than it’s time for the next step.
Step Two: Change the atmosphere. If I am stuck with someone who doesn’t know how to debate or is just trying to get a rise out of me then I redirect their toxic words. I will not argue with someone just because I can. That won’t get you anywhere, but it will raise your pressure and often make the situation worse.
If they won’t change the conversation you can always try sweet talking your way to solution. Most of us are just vain enough that the right amount of flattery can change our opinion of someone. Once you’re out of danger or have soothed the beast, it’s time to let go.
Step Three: Move Forward. Some situations are just not worth fighting for or fixing. Some people are unwilling to compromise or are dangerous. If possible leave the situation. Letting go of your anger is rejuvenating.
The cooling of process can be pushed along with an action that will lift your mood. Sometimes I can only walk away and calm my thoughts. Other times I need distractions like good music, a funny comic, a happy memory, or get involved in a project that makes me happy. Connecting with a loved one who can empathize without exasperating the situation is also a smart distraction.
This may sound too simple, but as the years have progressed these steps has stopped my anger from turning into rage. You have to make a conscious effort and it won’t happen over night, but I could recognize a small change in my attitude after a month.
It’s really up to you whether you continue to be angry or decide to learn from the experience and get on with your life. It took a long time to control my anger and let go of passive aggressive revenge. I needed to learn this so I could continue on my journey out of depression, but this is something that we all need to learn if we want to keep life from overwhelming us with stress.
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