Growing up in a “unconventional” family should have made it obvious to me that normal is just a word someone made up. Yet I still craved this ideal life that many of my friends seemed to have and that were prevalent in every movie and TV show I consumed. And I consumed a LOT of media. In my late twenties I realized that this media I was supporting constantly made families like mine into a joke. We were the anomaly in a world where everyone else was the same. Or worse we were uneducated, uncultured examples. However in real life my family was anything but. Yes we lived on a tight budget(I still do thanks to my poor financial choices), but my mom was a college graduate who took us to museums and on camping trips. We traveled a lot and were exposed to many different cultures and ideas. We were encouraged to think for ourselves. Sadly I was so invested in what I saw in others and in fantasy that I couldn’t grasp how awesome my life was and is because we did not grow up “normal”. That’s not to say that my previous idea of normal is lacking, it’s just different. The more I open my mind and listen to the world the more I see that nobody is normal. This is because humans are complex individuals with unique DNA who relate to life based on our personal experiences, meaning we are all different to somebody.

Whether it was trying to fit in at school, deciding which side of my racial/cultural identities to be, or the right career path, I spent a lifetime wanting to be someone other than me. Life was awful, I bailed on my beliefs, aspirations, and truest passions.  I used to think it would be easier to be “normal” until I realized it took more work to fit to an unsustainable mold than to just accept myself. I wasn’t happy. At the age of 32 I started being me. Now I am happy. Now I know that normal is just a word I cannot even define. Hopefully I have as many or more years ahead of me to enjoy this freedom from normal

The following link is a blog post at Trascending Borders Blog that inspired todays post. Show a little love and visit their blog: http://transcendingbordersblog.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/be-you-an-original-which-you-already-are

How do you feel about the word normal?

What does normal mean to you?

PS. If you enjoy this blog you may enjoy my published books. You can read, leave a comment, and purchase my books on Bookemon or  Amazon.

“Maybe the next marches need to take place against agencies like the USDA and the FDA – those who have been charged with the responsibility of consumer safety and have blatantly sold out to Big Agri and the biotech industries.” http://www.fromthetrenchesworldreport.com/monsanto-concedes-defeat-in-the-face-of-europes-fierce-opposition-to-gmos/46071

I found this article via the New Health Paradigms Blog. There is a lot of empowering information there. Go check it out and see f you want to follow that blogger.

PS. If you enjoy this blog you may enjoy my published books. You can read, leave a comment, and purchase my books on Bookemon or  Amazon.

For almost two decades I lived afraid, sad and hopeless. Yes there were good and even great moments, but those were short lived and once over I was back to misery again.  My life was so awful that most nights and many days I was curled up on the floor sobbing, begging the universe for a quick and easy death, feeling helpless, useless, and ugly. Most people never realized how depressed I was because I hid behind a big smile in public, but looking back my actions must have raised a few eyebrows. My depression started as a child who moved to a different school each year, was bullied and teased, and wasn’t taught how to solve problems. I felt helpless, useless, and ugly for way too long.

It took it’s toll. I couldn’t keep a job, became lazy and unmotivated, felt lost no matter what I did, and stopped caring. Hope and happiness was for other people. I believed all the cruelty from childhood bullies and mean girls. I convinced myself that I was worthless based on all my mistakes and cowardice. I shopped for things that would make me happy’ but never did. I gave up on my dreams.

There are plenty of stories about people who cured or deal with their depression by finding a god or religion to believe in.  I did not need to find a god or prophet to change my life. Then again I have never wanted or felt a need for religion or spirituality. I believe that only I am in control of how my life plays out. When I finally chose to make a positive difference, I looked within myself and read lots of books and blogs. I spent hours each day on different theories, ideas, and movements. I read stories of people who overcame tragedy and apathy. I took little pieces from everything and put them together to find inner peace. Our world is amazing and there is so much we can learn. Learning allowed me to grow. Learning was the first step.

The best wisdom I found in my search is so ridiculously simple. (I said simple, not easy.) Simple means uncomplicated and straightforward. Easy means you don’t need to put forth much effort. Simple can be momentous if you are open to learning. The simple truth I learned is this: our universe  ebbs and flows. Everything and everyone is continuously ebbing and flowing, therefore life is about riding those flows and surviving the ebbs. I looked at my life and all the ebbs I got through. Some were terrifying, some left scars, but I survived. “Look at YOUR LIFE and all that you have overcome” I screamed at myself. Make a list of everything you were scared of, but survived anyway. Write down the ones that you barely got through, the ones you wish you had solved differently. You are still here! You survived those ebbs. Write down HOW you survived and you will learn valuable tools

Right now is the time to let go of the past. Like quitting meat or smoking you have to cold turkey yourself from past tragedies. The past is never coming back. It doesn’t control you. The past shaped you, but it does not define you. Look at your moments of cowardice, your mistakes, those words you never should have said. Remember the people you hurt, the times you didn’t help someone, and the times you lost your temper.  Now write down what you learned from each experience. We make mistakes and that is OKAY!  I remind myself daily to move forward and pay attention to what does and doesn’t work. When I don’t pay attention, I repeat those mistakes, and suffer the consequences.

Death, loss. and mistakes have shaped me in a good way. I have learned that we are all fragile, we have no guarantee of living to 100, and we can choose to enjoy each day. Death is a part of the circle of life. You can’t lose if you never had and you can’t grow if you never fail.

A simple way to get through the ebbs and appreciate the flows is mindfulness. Whenever a moment arises where I can slow down and be still, I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and focus on my breath, the sounds of people and the city, waves breaking on shore,  or tweeting birds. I am mindful for at least 5 minutes. It’s amazing how easily this short “meditation” can revitalize me. At first I would get distracted by my to-do list or negative thoughts, but now I can be mindful and focus. This has been one of the greatest gifts because as I listen I am soothed to know that I am a part of this world. For better or worse there will always be a place I belong. Being aware of our surroundings is important because it reminds us that we are all connected to the world. Be mindful of your senses because touch, scent, sound, and vision are all interconnected. Follow your intuition.

Some people need drugs to change the chemicals in their brain so they can function. Thank goodness for that. You shouldn’t feel bad about taking chemical stabilizing drugs so that you can function. We are all born with different chemical balances so to those who say drugs don’t work. How do you know for sure what someone else needs? For a long time I thought maybe that I would need drugs someday or I would go completely crazy and hurt myself. Instead I was able to change my diet and get active so that my body felt good and my moods stabilized. Taking care of my health was the second step. It takes a long time to change habits. I decided to try my hardest and that involved becoming a vegetarian. As a lover of hamburgers and barbecue ribs, this was tough. Not eating meat is also very inconvenient if you are on a budget and the food choices in your area are all fast food joints. Even the salads have meat! I had to quit suddenly and not slowly go off meat. The first 3 months were the worst. Now 4 years later it is simply a part of me. Reducing the sugar in my diet has helped me from staying clear of that sugar high that is always accompanied by a sugar low. I feel stable when I eat well and move around.

We can be our worst enemy. If we believe the lies and cruelty of others than we are victims. If we change our thinking to what is really true we are survivors. Even if the people around us aren’t saying we need to be better, if you watch TV, listen to the radio or look through magazines you are inundated with messages that “You need this and that to be perfect and loved”. LIES!!!  YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, WITH YOUR FLAWS AND ASSETS.  Therapy can be very helpful because it is healthy to share our story, to vent and to have someone wiser guide us. But therapy is expensive. If you don’t have insurance or qualify for free services a therapist is not an option.  I researched therapy and learned about Solution Based Therapy. In traditional therapy you search for the root of a problem and spend years doing so.  If you know what the root is or at least are pretty sure than you can focus on fixing that broken part. Besides spending years focusing on that negativity won’t necessarily allow you to move forward and live for the future. It is too easy to stay in the past. The past is a memory. Change the way you think and you will see the world differently. Changing my thoughts and attitude was the third step.

To stop feeling helpless I changed my thinking. This was by far the hardest action to take. Seventeen years of thinking I was a victim was hard to change. My first two actions showed me that I already was changing my thinking. So I had to take that a step forward and apply it to not just outside appearance and helping others. I decided to love my inner self with all my flaws, mistakes, and regrets. I also changed how I though towards others. It’s one thing to judge someone on their actions, it’s another to PASS judgement on others. I realize that we all have our own paths to take and mine is no better than yours. I wasn’t being bullied anymore and the last time I was physically assaulted was a decade ago so removing the word victim from my thoughts and actions freed me. I took a leap and became certified to teach self defense. Now I am helping others feel like a survivor instead of a victim.

My pity part is over. Negativity may be a part of life, but I will not let it control my life. Sometimes pessimism is good. We cannot trust every person or every stray dog.  Being aware of all aspects of life keeps us alive. We have to be aware of our actions, aware of others, and follow our intuition, but we must also be careful not to let our judgement become so clouded that we are unsure and afraid.

These are the main actions I took in my DIY therapy. Once again these are simple actions, but not easy.

• To stop feeling useless I wrote my first book encouraging girls to be strong and providing them with resources and information to help them do so. I also became certified to teach self defense. I continue to write more books, volunteer in my community, and teach self defense to women and girls. I feel very useful when I write and teach.

• To end the feeling of being ugly I stopped consuming hours and hours of media that told me how I should look and that there was always something wrong with me. No more magazines and TV shows. I remind myself each day that I have only one body and my looks may not be perfect, but they are mine and I am beautiful. I look for and find examples of people who know that beauty COMES from inside, and is not about outside opinions.

This post is not to tell anyone that their choice towards recovery is wrong. I don’t know what YOU need. You are a unique individual with your own issues who must find solutions that work for you. This is a voice for those who want to change their life without a finding a god, paying for expensive therapy, or using drugs. Some of what I shared may help, some may not. Ultimately change is up to you.

Remember this when commenting: RESPECT yourself enough to allow others to be who they are. ACCEPT that others believe differently than you. TOLERATE those differences. Judging someone or their beliefs is as lame as judging them for their weight, skin color, gender, or who they love.  We all see and live based on INDIVIDUAL RELEVANCE. Not everyone will like what you write so just deal with that fact.  Comments are moderated so if you get crazy with your comment  it won’t be published even if it has good points. There is no place for judgement or name calling here. Peace.

PS. If you enjoy this blog you may enjoy my published books. You can read, leave a comment, and purchase my books on Bookemon or  Amazon.

I don’t like the saying “real beauty is on the inside”. It’s misleading. We should be explaining to our daughters and nieces that real beauty COMES from the inside because beauty is something WE decide based on our own ideas. I recently heard a spoken word poet on her experience with “pretty”. Her mom gave her plastic surgery as a gift to fix her crooked nose and constantly told her that it was okay because they would MAKE her pretty. The message she wants to tell her own daughter is that you will be pretty smart, pretty talented, pretty awesome, but never just plain pretty.  Listen to Katie Makkai’s rant about beauty on Upworthy,  http://www.upworthy.com/this-womans-beef-with-prettiness-will-leave-you-speechless?g=2

Beauty has become this disgusting obsession that means so little to me now. I don’t care about being pretty anymore. It is the most freeing decision of all that I made so far. I want to continue to be successful, I want to keep learning until the day I expire, I want to be healthy, but I don’t want to be pretty. I want the goals of girls to be about intelligence and inner growth and knowledge, not attraction to others. There are women who look like the current version of beauty who think they are ugly. That alone should prove how demeaning it is for women to concern themselves with outer beauty. Now boys and men also feel ugly and crave this boringly conformed idea of who is handsome. Stop the madness!  Start a revolution.

This was written in response to Voice4 Society blog, http://voice4society.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/dear-god-can-you-make-me-beautiful

Want more proof that beauty is not necessary for success and happiness? Lizzie Valasquez is one of the most beautiful women in the world, but some angry unhealthy people call her the ugliest. http://thelasttradition.blogspot.com/2012/09/worlds-ugliest-woman-lizzie-velasquez.html

What do I love about not wanting to be pretty? I have more time to do things I love. I have more money to spend on things that are important to me. I only need  a few minutes in the bathroom to get ready each morning. I can focus my thoughts and energy on inner growth and philosophical reflection. Other people’s concerns don’t bother me. My mental health has improved.

So let’s keep talking and blogging about it until beauty becomes the least important part of us.

Do you think you are beautiful? Do you care?

I was inspired to write this after reading a great blog Christinageorgedotme.wordpress.com/2013/05/24/saturday-may-25ths-march-against-monsanto-cheerios-and-gmos that asked for information and resources about GMO.

Vandana Shiva is a great activist for healthy agriculture. Hailing from India she has seen first hand the terrible effects that GMO seeds do to native seeds and the toll it takes on farmers. You can decide for yourself at: Foodrenegade.com/vandana-shiva-on-the-dangers-of-gmos/

Here in the USA, there is this 14 year old Birke Baehr who is a food activist and future farmer who figured out that GMO’s are not a great idea. Learn more about this awesome young rold model at: Birkeonthefarm.com/about-birke-baehr.html. You can also read about him and healthy food choices in my book “Fierce” (order it here).

There are still lots of studies to be done on GMO safety, but if it doesn’t look good now I’d wager it isn’t going to suddenly become good for anyone. It doesn’t help that Bill Gates publicly and financially supports GMO’s as the only way to feed the world.  Luckily for us(again) on the opposite spectrum, the UN released a study about how organic food is the only way to feed the world AND have a healthy planet. Read the report here: Srfood.org/images/stories/pdf/officialreports/20110308_a-hrc-16-49_agroecology_en.pdf

Ultimately it is up to you as voters, consumers, tax payers and role models to support and insist on a path towards a healthy world refurbished by sustainable choices or a toxic world fueled by greed.

Hopes Boy a Memoir by Andrew Bridge

One particularly memorable moment from my time  as a foster care volunteer stands out in my mind.  I had the privilege to hear a panel of teens who were or had been in the system, share their experiences.  A bright young woman shared the most amazingly simple words of wisdom when an audience member asked what foster families can do to make the system better.  She replied that foster families MUST acknowledged that this new child has a family who is a large part of them. They may not be the best parents or provide the healthiest environment, but they share a bond. This is exactly what Andrew writes about in his memoir.

This book was so engaging that I finished it in two days. Like many foster youth he was sent to a center that held mass amounts of youth, but unlike many foster stories somehow Andrew was sent to live and remained in a single home for the majority of his time.  This wasn’t the most loving home at times it seems quite unhealthy, but somehow he survived and thrived. He grew up and  found a career that has helped countless other foster youth. I was so curious to find out what would happen to this boy. Would he be safe? Would he be damaged from the system? Would he ever see his mom again?  Could he keep hope for a happy ending alive?

I highly recommend this book for anyone who is concerned about or works with youth, teachers, parents, and those considering foster parenting or adoption. He gives you a look into the private life of a young boy who becomes a man that creates great positive change. His story is at times sad, but ultimately uplifting.  Pass this post on with your friends and family.  Buy this book! Learn more at HopesBoy.com.

On a personal note, I have wanted to be a foster parent for over half of my life and this want has never dimmed. I took to heart what I learned that night along with all I continue to learn with my other foster s system related volunteering. I know it will not be easy and I have no expectations from whomever I am lucky enough to provide a safe home for, but I know that this is part of my future. All children deserve to feel love.

HAVE YOU READ THIS BOOK OR A SIMILAR BOOK?

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* You can support this blog and this author by reading and buying one of her books at Bookemon.com or Amazon.com. Thank you.

All organic snack: Radish and carrot “chips” with guacamole and garlic dip.

Today, I thought about priorities as I prepared a snack.

I wanted a flavorful easy snack, but nothing processed or fried even if it was organic. So I cut up some radishes and carrots into “chips” and dipped those in guacamole and garlic dip. It would have been easier to grab some chips for the dips, but I am trying to keep my priorities in line with what really resonates with my ideals and ethics. A major priority of mine these days is to treat my body with the respect it needs to live a long healthy life. Living on a very small income, I choose to sacrifice(not always wisely) so that I can have what feels right as opposed to what is easy. What I eat has so many impacts from my own health, to the energy used to ship it, to the farmers, the health of other people, and the planet itself.  Expanding your own knowledge about food is just one of many topics I bring up in my book, Fierce (order it here). Our food system affects every human on the planet. My mind was advising me to choose food that was good for the world and for my body while my taste buds wanted flavor. My mind won and i got the flavor too!  How often do you priorities change to accommodate your situation?

• Do you choose shiny and NEW, but not-necessary products over quality and sustainability? Then, do you complain about your empty wallet or pollution from manufacturing and shipping? If so, your priorities are not resonating with your ideals.

• Do you go on spending sprees with each new bonus or tax refund? Do you buy your kids lots of new stuff so they can have what you didn’t? Then do you complain about not having enough the next month? Once again your priorities are not resonating with your ideals.

• Do you consume junk food and share with your kids? Do you tell them it’s okay once in a while like every Friday or every afternoon? Then do you complain that organic food is too expensive or that your kids just won’t eat healthy? There is a pattern emerging here.

Each and every choice we make has a reaction. This is part of  the law of motion in physics.  I thought of ALL this as I was making a simple snack. I constantly THINK about how my actions are affecting  our world. Sometimes I am too lazy or too hungry and convenience wins.  As I said in the beginning I am far from perfect. More and more often I don’t want to take the easy way out. I see how this has changed so many of my choices from as seemingly simple as food to pursuing a career that makes me feel good. It’s not easy, but I do know what my priorities are.

*For more information on considering your food choices or a guide for starting a discussion about food check out my post You Are What You Eat.

ARE YOU FOLLOWING YOUR PRIORITIES OR YOUR CRAVINGS?

**Hey Wait! You can support this blog and this author by reading and buying one of her books at Bookemon.com or Amazon.com. Thank you.

From left, Greg Boertje-Obed, Sister Megan Rice, and Michael Walli. (Photo: Saul Young/News Sentinel)

Have you heard the joke about what happens when a nun and 2 peace activists break into a nuclear weapons production facility? Neither have I, but I read the article about what happened in real life. It’s both disturbing and ridiculous. Three people, a woman(a nun) and two men,  cut through two chain fences to spray paint, hang signs, and sing songs about peace.  They were arrested and charged with trespassing. This is normally followed by a fine or short prion sentence. Instead the DOA got involved and continued to escalate the charges while taking away their rights until they became terrorists.  They are in jail and awaiting sentencing that could last for 30+ years.

Is the lesson A or B? A) If you are going to protest, make sure you don’t trespass or destroy the property of someone else.  We need to be more vigilant in keeping the government from having such ridiculous amounts of power. I think the lesson is both with a very strong leaning towards B. While I personally find that trespassing and graffiti vandalism is not the way to go, this is an absolute waste of prison tax dollars and an embarrassment to our democratic country that so hypocritically says “justice for all”.

“In a mere five months, government charges transformed them from misdemeanor trespassers to multiple felony saboteurs…” Continue reading at http://www.commondreams.org/view/2013/05/15-7  Just remember if you are going to protest their sentencing you better be smart about it.

The themes that really jumped out at me in this book are having a “heart at war versus a heart at peace”, the need to justify our actions, and the mistake of seeing others as objects or obstacles instead of people with differing opinions and values. The part about justification was the biggest issue for me. I constantly justify my actions. Whether it is not offering help to someone or refusing to listen to the other side of an argument, those are the times when I justify myself because after all I am right and they are wrong.  I can see why we don’t have peace in a world where everyone is so convinced that they are right so they justify that as a reason to force others to change. But if you are convinced without a shadow of a doubt of your rightness and I am convinced without a shadow of a doubt your wrongness, we have nowhere to go. There is no ground for compromise. We cannot find peace if we cannot even acknowledge that the other persons point of view is as valid as ours.

We can choose to honor our feelings or betray  them in an attempt to justify. If you see another as less than yourself, you are seeing them as an object. We see situations based on how we feel. So if we feel like someone is treating us badly we see ourselves as the victim, the one who is being wronged which makes us right and which means we must fight against the “enemy”. I must have a heart at peace when interacting with others because that what I want to receive from others. If I only offer OUR world a heart at war than that is what the world will return to me. If you have to justify your actions are they really actions you want to continue doing?

One of my main justifications is that it’s okay if once in a while I  am unkind or ignore others because the world is unfair. Bad people have hurt me in the past so I must be weary in the present. This theory that the world reflects back to us exactly what we give it used to sound illogical to me. After all I was not mean to the kids at school who bullied me. I did not ask that man to attack me on campus and all those assorted unfair moments in my memories.  What I finally figured out is those specific people were NOT a reflection of me. They had a heart at war and they took their war out of on me because I was there. Unless I want to live in a cabin in the woods isolated from the world I  will interact with others and I CANNOT control their actions. Only they can. Yes it is unfair, but that is simply a fact of life.  What did the world give back to those people who hurt and tried to hurt me? I don’t know because I went to a new school each year and have not kept track of every bully I encountered, nor did I ever again see the man who tried to attack me at college.

I know the world gives you back what you give it because I personally know people who have been mean to me and others who suffered later in life because of their actions or the actions of someone more angry than them. They never gave up their war inside and their lives were and are filled with unhappiness, unfairness, and blindness to new ideas. I also know how the world works because each day that I live with love, compassion, and acceptance is better than the last. I have cured my own depression, I have followed my passion of writing, and I have moved forward from my mistakes and the wrongs of others. MOVING FORWARD is a key component and that does not mean letting people off the hook for their actions, but allowing yourself to heal and allowing others to grow and learn. We all deserve second chances. Now if you have a friend, family member, or romantic partner that hurts you repeatedly than YOU need to keep that person out of your life. LET GO of the war in your heart. They must know that  they cannot continue to be part of your life, but that you do not hate them, AND you hope they seek out help and grow into a better person.

It all boils down to our own actions. It is UP TO YOU. If you find yourself with a heart at war then ONLY you are capable of fixing that. “Improvement doesn’t depend on others.” – Yusuf Al-Falah

1. How often do you justify your actions by making another person worse than they are?
2. What justifications do you use to hold war in your heart?
3. Are you willing to let go of those justifications?
4. Is it possible that someone you disagree with has a valid reason to feel that way?
5. If not, why should they respect your right to have a valid reason for your feelings?

People are not objects or obstacles. Your justifications can stop you from new opportunities. You must decide if you want a heart at peace or a heart at war. Read the book yourself and see what you can learn about solving problems and keeping your heart at peace on www.Arbinger.com.

***If you enjoyed this blog post you can read and buy books that I wrote at Bookemon.com or Amazon.com. Your purchase supports a struggling author in California who loves to have a roof over her head and food in her stomach. Thanks!

I don’t know what happened to everything I wrote for this post. Let’s try it again.  Like the writer of the Treasure Trove, my mood has been lifted by an impish grin and  also digging in the garden on a beautiful day.

Life is everything. It’s the little stuff, the BIG stuff, the sweat, the tears, and the laughter. Living my life where I focus on the things that resonate with myself is what works for me. As I read this post I was reminded of the importance for me to live in the present. My imagination is always going forward to what could be instead of working on what I can achieve right now and sometimes it settles in the past with unhelpful longing. You should decide what to sweat over and what is important. How you live is up to you.   “Therein lies my argument for enjoying each fabric of our precious presents; not just the small stuff not just the big moments but all of that and the stuff in between, too.” - Christina George

Continue reading: http://christinageorgedotme.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/its-the-little-things-that-count-vs-dont-sweat-the-small-stuff/