“The Date Rape Prevention Book” by Scott Lindquist.

This is my favorite book about lowering risk of  rape.  The cover says for “..Girls and Women”, but if I had a son, I would ask him to read it and or discuss it with him. This is because the writer Scott Lindquist delivers a great section on beliefs of women vs. men.  The world needs to have women AND men outraged AND educated over rape before it can be stamped out. We live in a world where girls are taught to be submissive, pleasing, and innocent when it comes to sex. On the other hand, boys are taught to be aggressive and that sex is something they have right to no matter their partners opinion. Of course we will clash over what we call rape and it will continue to happen IF we are  not educated about the effects sex has on both genders.  After being around sexual violence through work, volunteering, and everyday life it is no longer a surprise to me why rape happens.  There are several issues that can cause a rape, but a huge issue when it comes to date or acquaintance rape is a basic lack of communication and knowledge. Be prepared.

Here are a few sections in the book that really made sense to me. It seems like common sense now, but honestly when I was a teenager and even into my late twenties some of this information never crossed my mind.

Alcohol and Drugs enable rapists.  The more inebriated you are the harder it is to fight off a rapist. Using drugs or alcohol is also a signal for some men that you want to have sex. This is not true, but it is something men are taught to believe.  If a man is trying to get you drunk or insists that you have more alcohol he is most likely getting you drunk so you will be easier to have sex with later on.  Just because he seems nice doesn’t mean he won’t try and rape you. So here is a crazy idea, maybe you shouldn’t even drink on the first few dates!  One tip Scott shares in the book is to turn your wine glass over at a restaurant. This sends a signal to your date and also your waiter that you will be staying sober. If rape does happen and you press charges and or go to trial it also can be used to defend your case.

Be aware of  signs that your date may not respect you saying no. If a man is using language that objectifies women, complains about women, calls you a tease, puts your opinions down or takes control of the date than he probably isn’t going to listen to you when you say No or Stop.  If he is doing any of these actions it would be smart to end the date quickly.  Here’s another wild and crazy idea, don’t date or have a relationship with someone who does not respect you or any women.

Communicate with your date.  If you do not want to have sex than be up front!  Men cannot read your mind so it is important to share what you want at the beginning of the date. Being coy is fine for a five year old, but is not the safest way to act around men.

Don’t go somewhere isolated.  Don’t go up to their apartment even if they say there are other people there. First of all they could be lying and second who knows if you can trust these other people. Gang rape is a nasty reality that nobody deserves to go through.  Stick to areas with lots of people and people you know. Group dates are totally acceptable (and there is a lot less pressure) at any age. Even if you know this person, going to an isolated spot or getting in a vehicle can put you at risk for rape.

Trust your INSTINCTS! For goodness sake, if your gut, mind, or heart is saying “I don’t feel comfortable” or “This seems unsafe” than listen to yourself. Intuition and instincts are not often taught to young women. We are told to be nice and get along. Well forget that!  If you do not feel safe, if you feel unsure, if something just doesn’t seem right than it isn’t. Get out of the situation as soon as you can. It’s one thing to be afraid to try a sport or step out of your social comfort zone, but it is completely different when you face the possibility of rape.

For the Men.  If a woman (or man) says no to sex, than back away. Do you want to have rape charges pressed against you? Do you want to go to jail? Do you want to be labeled a rapist? It doesn’t matter how your date is dressed, if she/he flirts with you, if she/he is drunk or high or what her/his body language says, if she/he says NO than stop. Another person does not turn YOU on. You and only you are responsible for your own attraction. Calling your date a tease and then having sex with them when they say no IS rape.  If you  pay for dinner or a movie, you are NOT entitled to sex. If she/he says they want to have sex and then changes their mind and says stop then STOP! Though you may have been taught that women are not as important or to be treated as equal as men,  women are not here to serve you sexually or any way.

I really recommend reading this book, giving it as a gift or donating it to a youth program. It’s full of amazing information on how to prevent date rape and information on what to do in the case of rape. Always remember that rape is NEVER the victims fault. It is ALWAYS the rapists fault. Like pulling a trigger, being a bully or being prejudiced, it is always a CHOICE of the individual.

Here are some questions to consider on the subject of rape.

•  How does rape effect you?  
• How would you feel if your partner, wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter, niece, aunt, grandmother or friend were raped?
• How do you feel about men who say a woman deserved to be raped?
• Do you feel that someone can be such a tease that it doesn’t matter if they say No or Stop?
• What can you do in your community, your circle of friends or family to say rape is wrong?